DachshundStrong

Hurrah for the Red, White and Blue!

2012-01-25T14:31:00.000-06:00

There are several times in my life when I was so moved to be an American, the last one being when Michael came home from Egypt, but last night and this morning, I thought my heart would burst out of my chest and the tears that ran were red, white and blue.

Putting party loyalty aside, we watched the State of the Union. Something that I was raised watching. My parents voraciously read newspapers, watched the local and national news and had me reading newspapers when I was in first grade. It was a way of life. Every election year we watched both Republican and Democrat Conventions because to ask to change the channel to one of the other 2 that we had was fruitless, both because it would be met with a resounding NO and all 3 channels in the early 60's all carried the Convention.

And then John Kennedy was assassinated 11/22/63 on a Friday. They told us at school shortly before we left to board the buses. I came home to find my mom in tears and told that my dad was on his way home from work
UNHEARD OF BEFORE 6 P.M.

and that my dance classes had been cancelled for that night.

In that day, Carol and I LIVED to be with each other morning, noon and night as well as all weekends but I just felt like this wasn't the time to leave my house and intrude into someone else's. It was like a part of my immediate family had died.

We never left the TV set until after the funeral. School was closed. We had just gotten a new COLOR TV and Mom had Carol and her family over to watch the coverage. Somehow food got fixed those days to feed us all but no one left the house except to check on their dogs.

I personally grieved for JFK. He was my first President that I remember. I got to know his kids Caroline and John-John. I cried when Patrick Bouvier Kennedy died at birth. They were part of our family.

Took a long time to get past that and I never really got into any particular President again. Of course I watched the Johnson girls' weddings with my mom and kept track of their beagles, Him and Her. I nearly died when President Johnson picked one of them up by the ears.

Until Bill Clinton ran.

I was working at Southern Illinois University in Carbondale, IL and Hilary Clinton was going to make a speech on campus on a Saturday. Kiereney was small, maybe 4, and we had a standard shopping date every Saturday after house cleaning was done. The mall was in Carbondale so we stopped by SIU on the way and we walked over to where we saw a small group of people. Hilary had long hair then, even longer than it is now (which should be CUT, IMHO) and when she was done speaking she came up to us to shake my hand and talk to Kiereney. She said she had a daughter named Chelsea and we compared child rearing notes. I didn't think too much more about it and went on to the mall.

When the ex's grandmother died a few months later, the funeral was in middle Illinois and on the way back we saw a BIG BUS with CLINTON FOR PRESIDENT on it. We realized that was their campaign bus and started talking about when Kiereney and I met Hilary.

I started tracking the polls and when Bill Clinton was elected, I felt like family again!

Then my life got busy, the divorce happened and I quit tracking the political scene.

Until the convention when Barack Obama spoke.

He was just a speaker but he captured my attention. I remember saying to Roger that someday he would be our President and the thought of an African American being elected President seemed as far fetched as living on Mars. I was not raised to be a racist. I think any American should be able to run for and be President regardless of color or sex or sexual preference.

And then Barack Obama was elected and gave his acceptance speech in MY state in Chicago (SO WANTED TO BE THERE!!!)and had his daughters with them on the platform and I remembered the Kennedy years of days gone by. Martin Luther King died shortly after my mother did and watching his funeral about did me in. Mom liked him. I remember the I Have A Dream speech like it was yesterday. I was all about MLK and now MLK would be beaming from Heaven because Mr. Obama would be the first African American President in history.

I believe change was in the air. He seemed sincere, caring about the USA and wanted to do his part.

And my life went on until Gabriella Giffords was shot last January.

Again, I was glued to the TV set.

Another shooting in a political setting.

Whisked back to 1963.

The President went to Arizona to see her at the hospital shortly thereafter and to attend the memorial service for the other victims, and that was the day that she moved her hand or gave a sign that she was making a comeback. I was touched that he took time out of his schedule to visit Gabby.

And when Gabby made it to the Capitol last August to vote on something important to her, I cried.

When Gabby came into the Capitol last night, I cried some more.

And when Gabby turned in her resignation to the Speaker of the House, I bawled.

What a gift she has been to us!

Her strength, drive, determination to conquer what was thrown at her.

And before the State of the Union speech, the President came into the room and went to Gabby and it had to be the best hug ever for the both of them and I cried those red, white and blue tears.

That's what it's all about, kids. Caring about each other despite our political differences. At the end of the day, agreeing to disagree and then regrouping and finding a solution that both sides can live with.

The President's speech last night quieted my heart and made me hope again that soldiers will come home from wars and we would all survive. Like Robert Fulgrum said in his book "All I Needed to Know In Life I Learned in Kindergarten", "We just need to hold hands and stick together."

Ah, those red, white and blue tears are coming again and my heart is beating like a snare drum.

Land of the free

Home of the brave

And we're all in this together.

I could have had a love feast in the Capitol last night, even with John Boehner, who I truly dislike for his attitude. I would have hugged John and told him that we will all get through this.

And this morning I probably would have grabbed the Clorox when I took my shower to kill the cooties!

But then Gabby was making her way into the Capitol to resign and the red, white and blue good-all-overs struck again.

We're all in this together, kids.

All of us.

And I BELIEVE we're gonna make it after all.

Pardon the ramblings of an emotionally charged woman. This post has written itself and I looked down to see my fingers flying across the keyboard.

I hope it makes sense.

It does to me through my red, white and blue colored lenses.

Don't`stop`BELIEVIN!

Summer/Winter/Spring/Fall

2012-01-18T14:56:00.000-06:00

Depending on what nanosecond it is determines what season we are in.

Personally, I hate change so when the calendar says January, we should have cold and snow period.

My daughter and best friend hate winter; my daughter because in her 30's she has become cold natured and my best friend hates driving in snow. But when I was awakened in the middle of the night early Tuesday morning with hail and TORNADO SIRENS I was NOT a happy camper. Plus I had taken the only Ambien I had left to sleep and then couldn't go back to sleep after having to drag downstairs and decide whether we needed to REALLY drag 3 dogs and a cat outside to the basement door in a downpour and about then then cancelled the warning so we went back to bed~some of us to sleep and some of us lying wide awake.

Needless to say, Kelli and Kathy got an earful about the lack of cold weather and snow with a tornado warning sirens and lack of sleep to boot.

Of course, neither had proper sympathy for me.

I didn't really expect any.

Seems like January is flying. I looked forward to January and February because it was my calm after the holiday storm. I had reading and crocheting planned. By March I will have to think about gardening and grass mowing again~sigh.

In other news. Roger, Kelli and I are starting a study on the Bible book of Revelation. This should be interesting as I have always hated that book because of the symbolism and refused to read it. If you mean Death, just say Death~don't say black horse. But I decided to face my fears and go head first into it.

Stay tuned.

I also chose my 2012 Thing That Scares Me project and am making my first purse. Fell in love with the pattern and am doing it in Pseudo Suede in a turquoise and brown design with a solid brown pseudo suede lining. I figured after making a large afghan last year and quilts the 2 years before that that a purse should be a piece of cake.

Stay tuned.

Hope all of my sistah-friends are healthy, happy and at peace.

Don't~stop~Believin'!

Introducing Chihuahua of the Board

2012-01-04T14:06:00.000-06:00

I just fixed Colin's blog so please enjoy it at www.chihuahuaoftheboard.blogspot.com He hasn't updated since Christmas but I know he will have something to say about Christmas!

Welcome, Welcome 2012!!!

2012-01-02T11:09:00.000-06:00

Welcome to 2012 and welcome back!

I took the road less traveled but had fun helping Colin create his blog while I was thinking what to do with this one.

And then it came to me...

CARRY ON WITH DACHSHUNDSTRONG!!!

No one said you had to limit yourself to 1 blog?

If so, I didn't get the memo!

So for what it's worth, I'm back.

With a few tweaks...

I have been asked to not mention my daughters.

I have no problem with that...

Land of the free and home of the brave and all that jazz...

But Michael has put no such handcuffs on me and since I started this blog because of my military son and my love for Dachshunds, Michael is fair game. Only tastefully, of course. Nothing about his life in his new apartment in Richmond with BFF Nick. He is realizing the dream he's always had...to grow up and return to living in Richmond, VA where he was raised.

But, this mom WILL continue to brag about 1 Lt's military accomplishments, INCLUDING his transfer to Virginia where he is a Platoon Leader AND his promotion to Captain which is just around the corner!!! Michael is the least pretentious man you'll ever know. He considers what he does in the military as what he is supposed to do in carrying on his mission and the mission of his great uncle and grandfather.

And in keeping with that, this is the latest picture he had made several weeks ago to go in his IPerms....military file.

Sorry, had to take out the incriminating info but it doesn't affect the good lookin' soldier! And yes, yes I am very prejudiced!

In another post I will wrap up Christmas 2011. In a nutshell, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times.

But that was then~this is now, and I BELIEVE we will just roll onto 2012.

Good to be with all of you again.

Love you.

Don't~stop~BELIEVIN'!!!

Oh Lord, where do I begin?

2011-11-15T10:03:00.002-06:00

In a nutshell, Daughter 2(further known as D2) has been in and out of 2 psychiatric hospitals for 4 overdoses on prescription meds and a diagnosis of PTSD due to a rape her junior year we never knew about. She has always run with a group of friends and after her engagement I guess she realized what being a wife would mean and she freaked out and thus started this journey in September. She has now been out for a week seeing a counselor and psychiatrist. Yesterday I discovered that my pain meds, sleep meds and Ativan had been pretty much depleted and I can't get them refilled until 11/25. So I'm making due, praying a lot and trying to make the heart hurt go away that neither daughter will owe up to the fact that they have had a key made to my safe because we change the combination every day and I never open it if they are in the room. The ultimate yesterday was when one of them said, "Fine, Mom, I did it. You seem to not be able to give this up unless someone confesses." I saw red. I told them I wanted the truth and that I had a right to be upset about my meds being absconded and to get out of my airspace. I cried for hours and know that as a Christian I am to forgive as I am forgiven but this just hurts so bad that they would do this to their mom who they know needs the meds and who is providing them with a home. Kelli was laid off but has another prospect and as soon as that happens they are both gone. I am done with having daughters. That may sound harsh but I don't have the energy to explain what all I have been through with them and Roger and I are ready to reclaim our home.

My dear Roger...he can't stay out of the hospital. Two weeks ago he had a 34 pulse, trying to pass out and seeing spots before his eyes. They rushed him to the hospital and after they took him off Coumadin to thicken his blood up for surgery and lots of Vitamin K, they installed a dual chamber pacemaker. Pulse was at 70 and all seemed well....until this last Saturday when he had the passing out feeling and seeing black spots again. His blood pressure was 94/54 so back to the hospital by ambulance and the pacemaker company sent someone out to "interrogate" the pacemaker. It checked out fine so the pacemaker wasn't the problem. They started giving him IV fluids because his labs showed him to be dehydrated and in renal failure with a high creatinine. The next day his creatinine was better and it dawned on the Cardiologist that he has lost 50 lbs (on his own) since she put him on 80 mg of Lasix (diuretic) and it was too much for his body size and needed to be stepped down. He is now on 60 mg per day and so far, so good. We both caught the virus of the week but outside of that he was doing well. However, I had a go-round with the discharge nurse because in going over discharge instructions, they STILL had the Lasix at 80 mg and had his Coumadin at 7.5 mg instead of 5 on MWF and 2.5 the rest of the week. That could have killed him because he would have bled out. I thank God every day I got my LPN license. I may not be able to do it as a career but I use it plenty on my family.

Thanksgiving is at my house this year and I will have to wait to see who shows up. Kathy, Bobby, Carter and Cade for sure, Michael for sure, Roger and I for sure and the rest gets dicey...Kelli and her new boyfriend (also Army) are supposed to be here but if D2's fiance' comes then Kelli refuses to be here. Looooong story but I had asked him not to call when D2 was in the hospital and he did anyway so militarian Kelli says he doesn't deserve to be here because he disobeyed my orders. He is also in the Army. So who knows? But we are having our first-ever FRESH turkey...A Butterball. Every year it's a stressor to defrost the frozen one because Roger and I have different ideas of defrosting methods...my OCD goes to DEF COM when it comes to food possibly spoiling. So this year I pick it up Wed. night and cook it the next day. Michael will be in a few days early to visit and help out. We are finally coming into the 21st century and getting a new TV (42 inches!) which will sit on top of our entertainment stand. Roger and I can't go out much (poverty sucks) so we watch TV and rent Netflix movies so we feel it's a good investment. God Bless WalMart for opening up layaway for electronics this Christmas. Michael can lift it into the truck and into the house and set it up as he just bought a 47 inch for his new apartment in Richmond and hooked it up. Electronics and I do not play well together.

OK, well I think that is a catchup in a nutshell.

Happy that my Cards won the World Series and taking a wait and see attitude with our new manager Mike Matheny. I wanted Oquendo but since I don't have time to run the Cardinals I'll deal with it.

If I don't get back here before Thanksgiving, I wish each of you and your families a Blessed Thanksgiving. I'm still believing~I hope you are, too.

Doing that IL to MO hospital thingie again

2011-10-02T17:06:00.018-05:00

Our story begins Thursday, September15...

Roger woke up unable to breathe and had chest pain but wanted to call his pulmonologist because he just KNEW it was his lung condition(BOOP) causing the problem and his Dr. would just increase his prednisone.

Then I find out that for the last 4 days he had been taking DOUBLE Lasix because he was having trouble breathing and thought he was filling up with fluid.

What happened to telling your wife about this?

Anyway, the Dr. called back and said to get him to ER.

They got him right back and the first blood pressure reading was 130/55!

55 is a no-no. Should be around 80.

Numerous blood tests, an ABG, chest x-ray, pulmonologist and cardiologist later, it was definitely his heart and not his lung condition. He was admitted and started on IV Lasix.

Got home about 9 p.m. Thursday night.

Friday was the day straight from the 7th layer of hell!

A little background...

D2 drove down 2 hours south to show her dad and stepmother her engagement ring and stepmother being the drug addict she is, gave D2 a
BOX(5 patches)

of Fentanyl, which she started using.

In addition to the myriad of other meds she is on, the Fentanyl made her looney tunes.

She had been seeing a therapist in St. Louis(about what I do not know) and had an appointment on Friday afternoon.

Michael drove her over there, dropped her off and went to pick up Kelli from work.

They went back to the office to wait.

And wait.

AND WAIT.

Finally D2 came out and said the therapist wanted to speak to Kelli.

She told Kelli to get her to St. Louis University Hospital ER because she was going to be a psych admit.

Seems like D2 had made references to not wanting to live anymore, etc., had lost 20 pounds in a week from not eating or drinking anything and running 3 times a day(who can tell a 24 year old anything?).

So D2 and Michael took her there and D2 refused to go in. She called the therapist back and said she wasn't going to go and the therapist told her she would TDO (temporary detaining order) her and she would be admitted.

I get a call at the hospital that my youngest has been admitted to a psych ward in St. Louis.

Kelli and Michael told me to stay with Roger and they would handle D2.

Roger's cardiologist came in and talked to us about Roger being in end stage congestive heart failure, that he would be on oxygen 24/7, his CPAP mask would have oxygen on it now and all they could do was try to switch some meds around to help the heart pump better. They upped his Lasix from 40 mg a day to 80 mg with another 40 mg available if he couldn't breath during the night. They also were sending him to a CHF Clinic within the practice who would monitor his meds, etc.

In the meantime, Kelli had told D2 she would take her to a Foo Fighters concert in St. Louis. Of course, now that wasn't going to happen so Kelli took her boyfriend, Jay. D2 kept the phone hot wanting clothes brought to her so she could get ready for the concert. My stress level was at DEF COM.

I brought Roger home Saturday night where he lives in the recliner.

Michael had found an apartment in Richmond, VA and was planning to leave Sunday but wouldn't D2 came home.

Well, we found out that D2 had lifted his ATM card and helped herself to $400. This was after she ran his car into a curb on the Thursday Roger was admitted and racked up $300 of damage.

Are you tired of reading yet?

Imagine living this nightmare...

So Michael decided that he would leave for Richmond early Monday morning before D2 came home because he was not mad, but hurt that she would do that to him. He's been so good to her, financing her every whim but that show was over.

I was called to the St. Louis Hospital on Thursday for a family meeting. Met with D2, the social worker, nurse, interns, etc. and said there were conditions to D2 coming back to my house. No driving my car, I would have all her meds locked up in my safe and would give them to her when they were due and a host of other rules including not arguing with Roger who doesn't need the stress. Roger and I had had enough of her yelling, drama, etc. and we drew the boundaries. She agreed to all of it, the medical team signed off on it and I brought her home on Friday the week after she was admitted.

Things were going well and then she started complaining about the rules, telling me that her doctors said her mother was being impossible, that she would never get better, etc. She can talk faster than I can think. So I was upset the doctors undercut my rules in MY house and I gave her all the meds out of my safe that were hers. Then this past Friday she had another apt. with the therapist and since I wouldn't let her drive our truck, I had to take her. She didn't want me to go in, I could stay in the parking lot, etc. Not in THIS section of St. Louis so I picked up Kelli from work and we went back and she finally came out.

Flash to yesterday.

3 doctors called here wanting to talk to her and come to find out, at the apt. the day before she told the therapist that she wasn't sure she wanted to live anymore...I got the call and told the therapist I didn't appreciate my rules being undercut and she said she never said anything to D2 about it...imagine that. Kiereney fabricates again!

Flash to today.

Kelli had to pick up her meds at WalMart and D2 said SHE would take her. I told her over my dead body would she drive our truck. She said I said she could drive this week....wrong.

To add to the drama, her finace' is flying in to see her this Friday for 4 days. He is paying for a rental car so guess who will be driving that? I won't say she is in no condition to drive...I just don't want taking chances she'll wreck my truck up. I don't have money to repair such things.

I keep saying that in less than a year, she will be married and will become Ken's problem.

So if anyone is keeping score, Kelli is dating Jay, who is Army National Guard, D2 is engaged to Ken who is in the Army in AIT school learning to work on helicopters and Michael is in the National Guard and has filed the paperwork for a rank increase to Captain and wants to go to Afghanistan this Spring.

I'm surrounded.

So that is why you have not heard from me....I've been too busy running the zoo and running myself into the ground.

But, hey, I'm still BELIEVING and I hope you are, too.

Love to all, Ness

Ken Mayo asked Kiereney Jo Dwyer to marry him and she said YES!

2011-09-07T09:20:00.000-05:00

I knew this was in the works...

Ken called me about 6 weeks ago and asked for Kiereney's hand in marriage.

He was going to be off Labor Day weekend so we planned to go to Richmond, VA. Kiereney and Ken both went to school there and we used to live there and his family lives there.

He took her to Carrabas, an Italian restaurant at Hampton, VA Friday night.

He arranged with the waiter to present her ring on the dessert sampler tray.

They rolled a napkin into the shape of a finger and secured it to the tray with chocolate. They placed the ring over the napkin in the center of the tray.

They asked if they wanted dessert and Kiereney said no.

The waiter insisted that NOONE left his restaurant without dessert and he was bringing out a dessert sampler tray for them.

The tray came out, Ken kneeled, gave her a proposal speech and took her RIGHT hand.

She jerked it back.

He said, "You're not going to get away that easy."

She told him, "Uhhh, it's the LEFT hand."

Poor guy was so nervous he forgot.

Saturday we had a BBQ at Ken's brother's house so we could meet his family. Very lovely people. His mom and dad are warm, friendly and you felt like you knew them forever. His brother, sister in law and 4 y/o nephew were phenomenal. And the food! Chicken and shrimp shisk kebobs, corn on the cob, potato salad, macaroni salad, baked beans, hamburgers, hotdogs, fruit and dip, cupcakes and brownies. Needless to say we didn't go back to the motel and eat supper that night.

Ken worships the ground that Kiereney walks on. Ditto for her.

Ken is enlisted in the Army. He finished Basic in June and is now in AIT school at Ft. Eustis, VA with his major in avionics technology. He will be working on the Black Hawks and Chanook helicopters and possibly train as a back up pilot. He will be done with school in January and then we see where he is stationed. Having to schedule around the Army is a pain. They originally wanted a 9/1/2012 wedding but depending on the Army and where he is sent, that could be pushed up. His mom and I are very resourceful(his brother gave his mom 2 days notice before they got married and she made the flowers and arranged everything in Florida. Her son is in CIA through the Air Force and her husband is retired Army. With Ken and Michael both Army, life will be interesting. I've told them they can't deploy at the same time. Like I have any control!

Kiereney starts CNA school the first of November and in 6 weeks she takes her test and will be a CNA. She is paying for the wedding; we're paying for the dress. So far I've heard the color is purple.

I'm very happy for Kiereney. God know she has been through enough medical issues over the last 3 years and it's time for some happiness.

R-e-s-p-e-c-t

2011-08-21T14:09:00.000-05:00

I've been trying to write a new post for a couple of weeks now but was too busy living reality.

I'm done now so I'll share where my head is at.

I was taught before I scampered off to Kindergarten about respect. Respect for others. Respect for other's space. Even respect for myself.

I think I scored an A in respect.

But when my mom died, I kept living the respect for others and their space but kinda chucked mine out the window thanks to my father.

Couldn't look to my dad for respect because it was not respectful after almost 14 years of my life to spring his 3 kids by another marriage on me at my mother's wake.

It was not respectful to me to shove this prior family down my throat to the point that not even 6 months after my mother was buried, he remarried this woman and made me move from the only place I had evern known(Belleville) so that they could be closer to their other kids who were married with kids of their own. This marriage didn't last 2 years and they divorced once again and instead of moving me back to Belleville, he moved me to Herrin for my senior year in high school.

So I figured out that if my dad, who was my world, didn't respect me and my feelings, then I didn't deserve any respect.

As the years went on, he ran my life. He told me that my first husband and I needed to go and sign papers on a trailer he had found for our first home. We never saw it before it was delivered. If Dad said it, then that settled it and no questions were asked.

He told me a year later that we needed to go to the bank and sign the papers for a house we needed to move to because it was my cousin's and they were in a bind and it had a fenced in back yard for my collie and Kelli.

Again, like a Stepford child, we did.

Then 2 years later, he told us he had found an old house with acreage at the edge of town and we needed to sign papers on it because it was a good investment.

Out came my pen again. No questions asked.

By now my respect for me and my family(husband and child) was a lost art for me. We basically lived in an unfinished shack that had insulation for my bathroom walls with studs exposed and subflooring in the bathroom. He did a few things, like built a stairway upstairs to supposedly turn it into 2 extra bedrooms. We had 1 and a half bedrooms downstairs with 3 kids. Kelli escaped upstairs to the room even though it wasn't finished.

Then my dad had a heart attack and decided he'd sell his house, buy a trailer and move it out on our acreage . This was not up for discussion because I found out when I came home from work and saw a trailer sitting down the driveway from my house.

The next years from 1986 to 1993 were a nonending treadmill of taking the kids to daycare/school, going to work at SIU, picking up the kids and pull into my driveway to find my dad sitting on the front porch saying, "When's supper?" I went in and literally threw a meal together while he took Kelli and Michael to his trailer to play. Kiereney wasn't welcomed because I didn't need a third child so she didn't exist in his world. He said the same thing about Michael until he was born and when he was a boy, he took him over and basically turned him into his son David that drowned in a bucket of bleach water when he was 2 because his then wife was too busy reading movie mags to keep an eye on him. Michael's toys had to stay at PawPaw's house because they would be safe from Kiereney. I spent time taking Kiereney with me everywhere to try and make up for the shunning she was getting from my dad. The age difference between Kelli and Michael was about 8 years and 18 months and 18 days between Michael and Kiereney.

In 1993 I graduated with my Bachelor's and the next day told my functioning alcoholic husband I wanted a divorce because he was not being a father and if I was going to raise them alone, I wanted to be alone. I moved to NY with Roger who I had met online 7 months earlier and found out that not only could I be loved for myself but I deserved respect and got it!

Fast forward to last week.

Both daughters are living with us and both are slobs. I make rules and they get ignored. Last week I told them that no food was to go upstairs. Roger alerted me that one of them took their supper up there and I went up and was told that the baseball game was on as if that was supposed to make it OK to ignore my rule. THEN told her sister that if she had known it was me coming upstairs, she would have just hidden her plate under the bed until I left.

My rule was blatantly ignored, disrespected and basically I lost it.

And the whole respect thing came tumbling out after all these years.

I've been dealing with that and of course, am not the most popular mom around here but I don't care. There are things in the works for both of them to be moving on so that is the only reason they are here now but they live under my house rules or hit the door. Period.

I've been putting up my boundaries and not letting anyone past them. I call it as it is and noone is immune, not even my husband who crossed one today and got lamblasted. I won't live a double life. And RESPECT will be shown to me and the house rules or else. I am not afraid to strike out alone again because I have learned to sail my ship.

It took me 43 years to find and embrace that I deserved respect, my thoughts and my rules of my house deserved respect and it would be enfored come hell or high water.

I have, to that end, cut a few friends off my FB because they were users and this girl is not going to be used anymore.

So I've been busy reinventing my respect and enforcing it and it feels good. I'm proud of the image that stares back at me in the mirror. God and I are on the same page and Zen has helped alot. I find comfort in my Catholic faith and daily Bible readings and feel that I am back in control.

So that's what I've been up to and why I have not blogged.

But I thought of each and every one of my followers in my absence.

Today finds me nursing a back injury from doing the Chinese splits on a wet WalMart floor while holding onto a cart, going to the chiropractor 3 times a week, making Chrisoms for a 2nd christmas tree this year and starting a crochet baby blanket for a little boy who finally uncrossed his legs during his sonogram. His parents have tried for a long time to have a child, got pregnant with twins and one died a few weeks ago. This little guy is healthy and very much anticipated by family and friends.

I also have been reading a lot of library books. And I'm respecting ME and listening to my self and getting out of the house more. I also am using Netflix to watch the entire series of Parenhood because KimD recommended the show and I.love.it. Hope to catch up or at least get a handle on it before the new season starts.

I didn't intend to turn this into a novel but I had to explain it all for it to make sense.

My new mantra is, "If not now, WHEN?" and it helps my accountability to myself.

Thank you for reading here and realize that it is NEVER TOO LATE to respect yourself and BELIEVE in yourself.

Have a phenomenal week!

Getting Zen

2011-08-09T09:58:00.000-05:00

This is a work in progress.

I'm looking to simplify my life.

I came across Zen in a book I was reading.

I have checked on several books on Zen since then.

I'm not sure if Zen is a form of Buddahism.

I'm Catholic and not looking to change religions.

I would just like to find methods to meditate, clear my head, etc.

So checked out more books and researching more.

Feel free to jump in with suggestions.

On the medical front, they have had to add Wellbutrin to my 60 mg of Prozac because the depression is out of control and I'm irritable and wanting to stay home all the time. I recognize that's not a good place to be so I'm trying the Wellbutrin.

On the home front, Michael is moving to Virginia this week to set up housekeeping with his friends and look for work. I have so appreciated him staying here with me the past 3 months. He has been cleared by the National Guard to transfer from Illinois but we don't know if Virginia has a place for an officer. If not, he will be staying in IL and going to Afghanistan in the spring. I have mixed emotions that weren't helped by losing the 31 soldiers in Afghanistan this past weekend.

Kiereney and her boyfriend Ken probably will be taking the next step over Labor Day weekend and then I'll be in wedding mode.

Kelli is kinda dating a guy who is in Army Reserves and did time in Iraq. I feel like the Army is moving in on my family. So long as they all are happy.

I hope all are well. I have been working on our bedroom, getting up quotes and all my Believe plaques. Got curtains at Goodwill for $4 and got them up. We are ordering an Ansel Adams poster to frame(favorite of my husband's) and then the room will be complete. All my favorites--candles, quotes, Believe. I think it will become my favorite place to be.

Keep on Believin'.

Introducing a Guest Blogger

2011-07-21T12:07:00.001-05:00

Hi, I'm Colin, the resident (and ONLY) Chihuahua.

Me and my Mom were surfin' the Web and suddenly I said

SHUT UP!!!

This is undoubtedly the COOLEST LIST I have ever seen, so I campaigned, carried

on, cried and did the Mexican Hat Dance to be a guest blogger to put this on my

Mom's blog.

She said, "ONE TIME, Colin."

So if you like what you read, let my mom know and maybe I can be the Sunday

Special and give Mom the day off. 'sides, I have to prove that I can be as

entertaining as Lenny, The Dachshund who even has his own theme song(Sir Duke).

Lenny owns our beloved friend Katie!

Until another time(storm my Mom with requests to hear more from Colin!)

And The Last One (for now)

2011-07-20T12:02:00.001-05:00

Everybody Knows

You can’t be all things to all people.

You can’t do all things at once.

You can’t do all things equally well.

You can’t do all things better than anyone else.

Your humanity is showing just like everyone else’s.

You have to find out who you are, and be that.

You have to decide what comes first, and do that.

You have to discover your strengths and use them.

You have to learn not to compete with others.

Because no one else is in the contest of “being you”.

Then

You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.

You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.

You will have learned to live with your limitations.

You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.

And you will be a more vital mortal.

Dare to Believe

That you are a wonderful, unique person.

That you are a once-in-all-history event.

That it’s more than your right, it’s your duty, to be who you are.

That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.

And you’ll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.

And Still Another...

2011-07-19T10:31:00.001-05:00

And Another...

2011-07-18T10:27:00.001-05:00

And Another

2011-07-17T10:23:00.002-05:00

You Have Been Warned....

2011-07-16T10:18:00.000-05:00

Cleaned out the file cabinet the other day.

Amazing what you find...

Compter disks that you have been looking for that were NOT in the designated computer disk box that your husband created a file folder for...

Medical records of your mom's hospital stay, autopsy and any info that you could glean out what her last hours on Earth were like...

Shania's AKC certificate :-(

And a file of sayings, quotes, etc. that I have saved over the years because they spoke to me.

Now they're going to speak to you :-)

For the next 6 days I am sharing with my Blogger sistahs items that speak to my heart.

Hope you get something out of them.

Continue to BELIEVE!

Day of Rest?

2011-07-10T13:09:00.000-05:00

I totally agree with the concept above...

Friends

Family

God

Relaxing

I am writing to my friends and will talk to some of you today so Friends is covered.

Family is milling about me like bees, so I'm good there.

Roger and I are reading the chronological version of the Bible to each other every evening and we do bedtime prayers(and yes, yes, you are all in them) so that's covered. I didn't make it to Mass this morning but I communed with Him while I was outside at 6 a.m. cutting down weeds in The Space Formerly Known As The Garden(too much rain, too many medical issues and not enough time and I am missing my green beans, tomatoes and butter lettuce IMMENSELY) So I can put a check mark by God in the list.

Relaxing...

Yeah, let's talk about that.

Most people do not have a problem with the concept.

Most people do not have OCD(obsessive compulsive disorder aka anal retentiveness).

I'm a card carrying member as you may remember...

So at 6 a.m. I was outside chopping down weeds in a 4 x 4 space(I mean, communing with God and God, I did not mean the unkind words I spoke about your vegetation(aka STUBBORN WEEDS). Then I came in, ate breakfast, read the paper, explained the concept to my husband that although we ARE a team, I woke up early, he didn't, I let him sleep and I did the weeding and he was not happy I did a solo act but all is well now.

THEN I decided today was the day to set up the new file cabinet downstairs at the computer console so I went through and sorted bills, papers, etc, made folders, explained the system to Roger and now that is a go.

Went down to the basement to the freezer to get out ribs for supper. This involves going out the back door, unlocking the cellar door(think Wizard of OZ cellar when the tornado came), going down the 5 steps, not falling into the floor drain for the washer, unlocking the freezer and then reverse.

So I came here to contemplate how weeding, filing and fetching works into the Sunday plan of Family, God, Friends and Relaxing....

I guess I could spin it like this:

If I don't feed the Family I won't get to Relax.

If I didn't do the weeds, my mind would continue to worry and get the OCD all fired up and no amount of Prozac or Clonazepam would take care of that.

Ditto for the filing.

So now that I have reconciled this, I'm heading to the recliner to watch Law and Order SVU reruns.

Have a blessed Sunday.

Where the Star Gazer Lillies Bloom

2011-07-08T08:52:00.000-05:00

I discovered Star Gazer Lillies right after my divorce and though I'm not a pink/purple person, I found them majestic with their regal look and touches of white.

When Roger and I got married September 1995 we used Star Gazer Lillies at our wedding and on the invitations. The attendant dresses were in black, burgandy and teal solids and Kiereney had a full skirted dress with all 3 colors~stay tune for wedding pics on our anniversary 09/02/2011.

So when we moved here, I planted 6 bulbs in front of the porch. To my amazement, some prior tenant had planted some along the edge of the house. It seems that Little Bunny Foo Foo always nibbles my first plant so it never grows but the other 5 always do. The ones by the house are the bloomiest ones at the moment but mine have started to open.

Have a believable, phenomenal weekend of being good to yourself!

Happy Birthday CJ!

2011-07-04T07:01:00.000-05:00

So is Heaven rockin' your fave music today?

Balloons galore?

Great food?

Does your cake have sparklers on it?

And I know they're having a solar storm there from your million dollar smile beaming through Heaven...that's a given.

But I am SO jealous!

I want you down here today.

I want to be able to dial your number and hear your voice~that laugh~the way you would say, "Awww, Ness...."

I miss you SO, SO much CJ!

I don't think simply talking to your star will do tonight.

But what I really, really wish is that you were at\\on Orchard Drive in Auburn, surrounded by family and friends celelbrating the milestone that 22 is all about...

But tonight, I will be on a bluff in Illinois toasting my glass of wine to you and your family. I will be watching fireworks over the Mississippi River that I hope will at least give your million dollar smile a run for its money although it's doubtful.

I will be remembering all our convos on the phone, the IMs, and knowing that I was one of the luckiest people in the world for having known you.

I will be saluting all those who wear and wore the uniform to keep this country free.

You still light up my life although it comes from my heart and the memories now...

And your star.

Shine brightly tonight, CJ!

Today is your birthday!

Happy 4th of July, Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary

2011-07-01T09:47:00.000-05:00

Happy 4th of July to our Country!

Happy Birthday to my buddy Austin, son of our beloved Ervin and Alice!

Happy 59th Anniversary to my parents, Lucius and Margaret!

Happy 4th of July to my Sistah Bloggers!

I've been a June and a September bride, but now I wish we would have married on the 4th. I know it's hard to choose going to a wedding vs. having your own 4th of July celebration and that is why I did not do it. But now I wish I had.

This year we are doing something besides our usual staying home and watching fireworks on TV. Last year we were going to do this to get my mind off of Michael flying to the Sinai but I backed out. Figured I'd better be home in case something went wrong(my positivity at its finest...)

On 4th of July the five of us are going to Westview Wine and Bistro in Collinsville, IL. I made reservations last night. It's worth the Google just to read the menu. They have outdoor patio/inside seating that overlooks the bluffs and the view of the St. Louis fireworks at the Arch is supposed to be phenomenal. The celebration starts at 6 and the fireworks around 9:30 so we will nosh on some good sounding appetizers, salads, entrees and dessert and I'm sure wine, beer and Coke(soda) will be involved. I'm not much of a drinker between my family history of alcoholics and the medications I am on so I'm happy to drink Coke, absorb the music, the atmosphere, the food and the view and enjoy Michael being in the US with us this year. I'm sure pics will be involved and I will share those with you. If it rains, we can go inside and watch out the windows.

The furkids will be at home monitoring the taping of the Boston Pops 4th of July and any other celebrations I would normally be watching.

Sometimes change is good.

Making memories is paramount.

In other news, Kiereney has been in Columbia, South Carolina for the past few days attending her boyfriend's Army Basic graduation. This was a solo trip for her at the generosity of her brother who provided his car and funding. We all should have such brothers. Ken, her boyfriend, will do his AIT training at Ft. Eustis, VA for the next 31 weeks and then who knows where he will end up. They have known each other since junior high and she thought he was a nuisance then. :-) He is truly, madly and deeply in love with her. I'm not sure she knows her own heart yet with all the medical probs she's had for the last 3 years but time will tell.

Kelli's new Dr. started her on a medicine regimen to rule out other problems before the MRI for MS was done and she couldn't handle the meds so we're back to Square 1. She and Kiereney have the same Dr. and I really like him. He takes an interest in his patients and with being affiliated at a teaching hospital, I'm sure the girls will have the best of care. Kiereney's MRI is next week and then we know if there are other brain problems besides the pseudotumor causing the pain.

Roger and I had back to back Dr. appointments with our doctor yesterday. He was very pleased with Roger and doesn't have to see him for 3 months. Me, not so much. He has a PA who I see between my 6 month appointments with him so haven't seen him since December. He was not happy with my personality change. He wanted to know where his happy, kick butt and take names girl went and who was this quiet one that had replaced her.

I couldn't tell him.

So he upped my Prozac to 80 mg, and wants to see me in a month. If that doesn't help then I have maxed out the Prozac and he will have to supplement with another drug. I think I'm just worn out with all the family happenings. Maybe even PTSD? I usually keep my thoughts to myself and let him play doctor. I hate to lead the witness...so we will see what's going on next month.

In the meantime, I've been voraciously reading library books, playing on the computer and listening to Barry ad nauseum(is there such a thing?) Discovering my room after having put up the bed and lined the wall with boxes when we moved(gasp) 2 years ago in October and Goodwill has been benefitting from my new minimalist lifestyle. The room is going to be in black and medium blue, almost a gray blue. Black framed quotes, my Believe plaques and some type of valance curtain over the 2 windows which I will make when I find the material I want. I'm enjoying the sanctuary I'm creating for Roger and me.

Have a happy, healthy and safe holiday weekend and keep on Believin'.

She's Like The Wind

2011-06-21T11:57:00.000-05:00

flying around on her

new Dell inspiron 560 DESKtop.

I was a desktop girl in a laptop world.

And now I'm set up in the mainstream of the duplex(dining room) so I can see Roger in his recliner, monitor the kitchen and answer the door without racing down stairs. I always go into new things screaming and kicking but since my first computer was a desktop, the transition hasn't been bad(I can SEE!) and Windows 7 seems to be playing nicely. Now to get my iTunes transferred over to this computer. Roger's laptop gave up the ghost a couple of years ago so he has my old one and loving it.

We FINALLY got the at-home nebulizer and Roger is doing so much better! He sees the pulmonologist on Thursday. I was given my marching papers from the plastic surgeon yesterday. The scab is off and rescabbing and time is taking over and doesn't charge me a copay, either! He figures it will take a good year for all to heal.

I know you saw it coming...

(wait for it)

I got the combo platter of Roger's bronchitis, a Heinz-variety virus from Virginia and one from Illinois and I have been too sick to die! I swear I was sick enough that I ~almost~ offered to trade it for the stomach flu....almost. I didn't know my body would hold that much mucus! I started with Coricidin HBP, added Cipro and finally had to go to Phenergan with codeine for the nonproductive cough. Everyone but the furkids had a degree of it. I think we may have turned the corner. I didn't know you could get "winter season sick" in the summer.

I would love to rent a cabin for our anniversary in September for a few days. Our dream is to live in a cabin, big porches, huge kitchen/family room, woodburning fireplace in Colorado. Yeah, I know, if beggars were horses, wishes would ride. That's the next event coming up. Michael is up in the air at the moment and I'm hoping not Afghanistan air.

Take care, stay cool and keep on BELIEVIN'!

Be a Doctor, Own a Hospital

2011-06-08T10:30:00.000-05:00

I should have seen this coming in my formative years...

"Vanessa," said Dad, "I want you to major in business administration."

That wasn't simply a wish but a command. All items that came out of my Dad's mouth were commands.

I didn't DARE ask what business administration was...

If I could have a rewind of that moment, and the guts and mouth I have now, I would have said, "No, Dad. I'm going to be a doctor because down the road I will have a daughter and a husband that will need a doctor frequently, and to be fully prepared, I need my own hospital. Now, make that check out to Johns Hopkin Medical School and make another out to a fund that will grow while I'm in medical school and I will be able to build my hospital when I near graduation. If you're lucky, I'll name it after you, but don't hold your breath."

Seriously.

Roger woke up and when I asked the question how he was feeling, I got more than I bargained for...having trouble breating, felt weak, thought he was beginning a UTI, etc. I called our doctor at 9 when they opened and we have a 1:30 apt. today.

My diagnosis, based on the past? He needs to be admitted, chest x-ray, see if the BOOP lung condition is rearing its ugly head(apt. with pulmonologist is tomorrow), run some cardiovascular testing like enzymes and echocardiogram, do pulmonary function studies, run a urine culture and lab work to check for elevated white blood count indicative of infection, etc.

I always KNOW what to do, but don't have the MD behind my name to order the testing or my own hospital that would take care of everyone regardless of ability to pay or lack of insurance. There would be courtesy, promptness, lack of attitude and both treatment of patient and family because family's concerns should be addressed as well.

Sigh...in a perfect Ness world, I guess.

Hope all my sistah-friends are having a good day and dodging excessive heat and storms. It's hot-hot-HOT here and although my grass needs mowing, Michael will be home tomorrow so I will get my booty kicked if I mow before he gets home. In my world, grass needs mowing once a week no matter how microscopically tall it is. So although to Mr. Consumer it looks fine, it's driving my OCD self crazy!

Don't~stop~BELIEVING!

Hope gives us the ability to float until our ship comes in.

Manic Monday!!!

2011-06-06T21:42:00.000-05:00

Did anyone get the license plate number of that semi named Monday that gobsmacked me today?

Had to have Kiereney over in St. Louis to the SLU Pain Management Center at 10. Had a Pain Management crisis of someone needing a procedure so was seen at 12. He is a wonderful, caring, knowledgeable doctor. Unfortunately after reviewing her records and talking with us he said he had no treatment to offer outside of the medicine regimen her internist is managing. Life on Percocet...not good.

But then the doctor pressed around the eye where the pain is behind and it gave me an idea. I remember the numerous concussions she had as a child and the wreck we were in in 1994 and asked the Dr. if she could have a nerve impingement or disk injury that an MRI would rule in or rule out. He pressed on the side of her neck and she nearly cleared the table so after getting clearance from her neurosurgeon they are scheduling an MRI for her and if they find a problem, they can inject her with a steroid or nerve block and if it works then they will somehow burn the nerve endings. It's not common to have pseudotumor and another head/neck situation going on but remember, this IS Kiereney.

Roger and I finished the computer station today and moving my stuff down tomorrow before I go to my 2nd shift at 4 p.m. Just too tired to do it for in the morning. The computer should be shipping this week.

Michael is having a great time in Richmond and I'm so happy for him.

I was so saddened to hear that we lost 5 soldiers in Iraq today. I just want all of our soldiers back on American soil NOW!

Glad to see KimD is back in computer world. I missed you so much KimD!

The Ambien is playing its sleeping siren song so must go while I can still remember how to get from the computer to bed.

My prayers and love are with each and every one of you.

And it's still all about BELIEVING!

I AM WOMAN~HEAR ME ROAR!

2011-06-02T18:27:00.000-05:00

Roger and I have spent the majority of the day putting together a new corner computer desk with hutch for the dining room. I am moving my laptop downstairs for Roger to operate from the recliner and QVC enticed me with Easy Pay to purchase a new Dell Desktop with 1 TB hard drive and 6 GB ram. I have never liked my laptop for work. It's hard to transcribe medical dictation on a laptop even with an accessory keyboard. No doubt this will be my last computer purchase but I also needed a place to do my bills, etc. so this desktop and corner computer hutch should solve the problem. It will be nice to be down near Roger in the living room instead of sequestered upstairs in our bedroom. The present humongous desk in the bedroom will serve as a cutting table when I sew. Michael is currently in the sewing room so I can sew in my bedroom now.

The woman roaring title refers to the fact that I learned how to put a piece of furniture together and did a lot of it unassisted. Roger is used to "being the man" so his wife assembling furniture had to be a little disconcerting but I told him that at least I will be a self reliant widow thanks to his training. And it so fits in with my OCD!

In other news, Kiereney met with her new internist at SLU(St. Louis University Hospital System) and really likes him. He is very friendly and just perfect for her. She goes to SLU to see a Pain Management doctor this week. She is determined to start CNA school this fall and get on with her life. And I couldn't be happier both for her or for me!

Colin has a new friend called Mon Chi Chi...a stuffed soft monkey toy. He latched on to Cade's miniature Curious George monkey last weekend so I found this one while picking up meds at Walgreens and bought it. He is man enough to deal with a pink, yellow and purple striped monkey with big red lips and a red butt. :-)

Cade's FIFTH birthday party is this weekend(where did the years go?) and we will be going down to celebrate. It's just the Roger, Ness, Colin, Mon Chi Chi and Jake the cat show and leaving the others at home. I need a mental health break!

I have pics of Mon Chi Chi and will post the completed pics of the computer desk later. The computer is being shipped.

Michael is in Richmond, VA catching up with his friends. Still hard to believe he is back...almost surreal. He still has an Afghanistan deployment in his blood much to Mom's dismay but it is what it is and I will deal if/when it comes up.

Don't stop believing...ever!

Will be back to post on Monday.

Have a phenomenal weekend!

Roll on June!

2011-06-01T07:26:00.000-05:00

(l to r) Michael, Carter, Cade, Kiereney and Kelli at Herrinfesta 2011 in Herrin, IL

First time I've had a pic with all my kids in forever!

We had a great Memorial Day weekend being with Cade and Carter who are now ALMOST 5 and 6 respectively. Where has the time gone?

May~it was the best of times~it was the worst of times.

In summary, Michael got back to his mom's anxious arms.

Kiereney had a shunt put in her brain and although the shunt is working, it is not keeping the spinal fluid pressure down so she will start Pain Management this week.

My leg is S-L-O-W-L-Y healing and have another apt. with the plastic surgeon in a month.

Roger is hanging in there although he grows more tired easily and naps a lot. I'm enjoying every second I have with him.

If all goes well with Pain Management, Kiereney will start CNA school later in the summer.

The kids are going to Texas in August to see their aunts, uncles and cousins. First reunion since Grandpa died and I'm so happy for them.

I am content and at peace. Back into my Bible study and the study of the Boundaries book with Roger. Why didn't I do this YEARS ago?

Bought a new desktop computer and moving it out of my bedroom to the dining room so Roger can get on it easier rather than having to climb stairs to our bedroom. He will inherit my old laptop so he can compute from the recliner as well. Michael gave the girls his old laptop and bought a new one in preparation for grad school.

I miss you all and now that the "biggies" are past me, I hope to get back on a regular blog special. I gain so much from reading your blogs. Thanks for not giving up on me.

And yes, I STILL BELIEVE!

Have a phenomenal Wednesday and share the love with a hug, a card or a phone call.

Welcome Home 1 LT Michael Timothy Dwyer

2011-05-16T07:52:00.000-05:00

Outside the Armory getting ready to go home 05/14/2011 10:30 a.m.

At home with his daughter Jake for the first time in a year.

Home in our front yard. Thank you God!

Outside of the Armory in Galesburg, IL 05/14/2011

The pictures say it all.

I am still numb to look up and see him in my living room.

More pics to come tomorrow and another post devoted to Kiereney's brain surgery on her brother's birthday 05/06/2011.

It has been a wild ride the last few weeks!

Thank you to each and every one of my blog readers who kept us in their thoughts, their prayers and in their hearts over the last year as I struggled through this deployment. I would not have made it without my blog sistah-friends.

I BELIEVE!

I DO BELIEVE!

If you're gonna have an injury, make it a beaut!

2011-04-16T07:18:00.000-05:00

This is the back of my right thigh right above my knee.

I was pulling weeds and the next thing I remember is being on the ground and thinking, "I must have SCRATCHED myself on that corner fence post."

When I drew back a handful of blood I decided there was no way I could dodge ER on this one, especially since I needed to update my tetanus.

3 internal stitches

7 external stitches

1 tetanus shot

Large bandage around the whole leg

Antibiotics and Vicodin later

I got to come home.

Nurse Kelli is changing the dressing daily and I have a Dr. apt. on Tuesday to check on its healing progress.

When we got home, I had to return to the scene of the crime and it was a little disconcerting to find my thigh guts on the post.

'nuff said.

It is very sore and I am allowed to be escorted by my husband to the bathoom and head back to my recliner with my leg propped up on pillows. I can't crochet because the arm HURTS where I got the tetanus shot.

Calling all prayers and prayers of prayers!

Kiereney's shunt will be turned off on 28 April.

On 5 May at 10:30 a.m. we will hed to St. Louis University Hospital and have a stereotactic CT of her head done. We see the surgeon at 11:15. IF the ventricles have enlarged to allow him to put a shunt in, she will go to surgery at 5:30 the next morning on her brother's birthday. We have no other details at this time. The biggie is to see if the ventricles have enlarged from shutting down the lumboperitoneal shunt.

If not, then we will be referred to a pain management clinic.

Kelli has reservations on the surgery since it's the brain, Kiereney is tired of pain but thinks everyone(doctors, family, etc) will be mad at her if she doesn't have it. As Kelli says, Kiereney is a people pleaser. She needs to advocate for her OWN desires as it is her body. Whatever she chooses is her choice and will have no repercussions from this mom.

My opinion?

I feel that the fact that we were able to get her back on our insurance in what looked like a hopeless challenge is a sign to investigate if the surgery is doable(have the CT scan, talk to the neurosurgeon). Of course, I have a lot of confidence in the neurosurgeon and if he says he can successfully get the shunt into her cerebral artery then I believe and trust him and pray that this will put an end to the pseudotumor cerebri chapter of her life so she can get on with living her life. This has been a 3 year battle and she will be 25 in November. Hard to watch your child suffer.

Like every other surgery, no guarantees that it will work or there won't be complications. But I feel if God brings us to it, God will bring us through it.

And I'm still believing.

Have a phenomenal weekend and I will update as I can.

Ever Have One of Those Days?

2011-03-17T16:52:00.000-05:00

(or even weeks) where you're ready to take your toys and run far, far away from anything resembling stress, like people, life, situations, etc?

I've been there for the last few days.

My professional/clinical side of me tells me it's a form of depression even though I am a Prozac Prin-cess'(Prin-cess' as how Julie Andrews says it in the movie "The Princess Diaries" or is it"The Princess Bride"?)

Brain has failed me once again...

Perhaps a med adjustment is in order but I don't want to do that until after Michael gets back because that takes a while to regulate and it's not like I'm harming myself.

Or others.

Yet. :-)

But all day long I've been singing the following songs to myself...

I Sing the Body Electric(from the musical Fame)

I sing the body electric...

I celebrate the me yet to come...

I toast to my own reunion

When I become one with the sun...

And I look back on Venus

I look back on Mars

And I burn with the fire of 10 million stars

And in time

And in time

We will all be stars...

I sing the body electric

I glory in the glow of rebirth

Creating my own tomorrow

When I shall embody the earth...

And I'll serenade Venus

I'll serenade Mars

And I'll burn with the fire of 10 million stars

And in time

And in time

We will all be stars...

(oh yeah)

We are the emperors now

And we are the czars

And in time

And in time

We will all be stars...

I sing the body electric...

I celebrate the me yet to come...

I toast to my own reunion

When I become one with the sun...

And I'll look back on Venus

I'll look back on Mars

And I'll burn with the fire of 10 million stars

And in time (and in time)

And in time (and in time)

We will all be stars...

Fame

Baby look at me

And tell me what you see

You ain't seen the best of me yet

Give me time, I'll make you forget the rest

I've got more in me, and you can set it free

I can catch the moon in my hand

Don't you know who I am

Remember my name

(Fame)

I'm gonna live forever

I'm gonna learn how to fly (high)

I feel it coming together

People will see me and cry (fame)

I'm gonna make it to heaven

Light up the sky like a flame (fame)

I'm gonna live forever

Baby, remember my name

(Remember) (Remember)

(Remember) (Remember)

(Remember) (Remember)

(Remember) (Remember)

Baby hold me tight

'Cause you can make it right

You can shoot me straight to the top

Give me love and take all I got to give

Baby I'll be tough

Too much is not enough, no

I can ride your heart till it breaks

Ooh, I got what it takes

(Fame)

I'm gonna live forever

I'm gonna learn how to fly (high)

I feel it coming together

People will see me and cry(fame)

I'm gonna make it to heaven

Light up the sky like a flame (fame)

I'm gonna live forever

Baby, remember my name

(Remember) (Remember)

(Remember) (Remember)

(Remember) (Remember)

(Remember)

[Instrumental Interlude]

(Fame)

I'm gonna make it to heaven

Light up the sky like a flame (fame)

I'm gonna live forever

Baby, remember my name

(Remember) (Remember)

(Remember) (Remember)

(Remember) (Remember)

(Remember) (Remember)

Remember my name

I'm gonna live forever

I'm gonna learn how to fly (high)

I feel it coming together

People will see me and cry (fame)

I'm gonna make it to heaven

Stay tuned...this could get interesting.

Can you have a midlife crisis at age 56 11/12?

March Madness!

2011-03-15T08:50:00.000-05:00

Let the games begin!!!

Every since Roger and I got married, we would let the kids pick NCAA teams and Roger would chart them and follow the games and the winner got to pick what restaurant they wanted to eat at.

I'm sure we made good on those most of the time...

And this year notwithstanding, Mom did the drawing for everyone this year because March Madness sneaked up on me.

I was fair...

I let Roger and the kids have all the #1 teams.

I choose Notre Dame and Xavier as my teams.

Notre Dame, because, hey, I'm all about Catholic.

Xavier because....

well...

On Ash Wednesday after Mass I came home and decided that Colin needed a Confirmation name and I had no doubt that St. Francis of Assisi would agree...afterall, Colin DOES have a white cross on his forehead which shows up nicely against his black skin and I had a black cross on my forehead again my alabaster skin so it made sense.

And yes, I have gone around the bend...

So Colin's name is now Colin Berkeley Mac Xavier Campbell.

Colin and Berkely are Scottish like Campbell.

Mac is in honor of my granddog, Macon, God rest her soul.

And the Xavier is because Roger chose it and he's never been able to choose a name before because he defers to his wife.

And Campbell is blatantly obvious! :-)

So I had to have the Xavier team because of Colin's Confirmation name.

Yes, I've gone waaaaaay around the bend...

But then, you've known that for a while, my loyal blogger sistahs.

And you know WHAT ELSE is March Madness?

The fact that my 1LT above is crossing the finish line of a 1/2 marathon(13.1 miles) during a wind/sand storm with lots of hills in 1 hour and 42 minutes, coming in 2nd in his Battery and 10th overall! So proud of him! I can't imagine running against wind much less being pelted with sand.

The same LT leaves a week from this Sunday(27 Mar) to go on 2 week leave in Europe using hostels and the EuroRail. He Flies into London from Sharm El Sheik(Egypt) and then will visit Germany, France, Rome(where he's bringing his mom a Rosary from the Vatican that has been blessed by the Pope) and then going back on the EuroRail to Ireland, his family's origin. I am so excited for him.

Then I am excited for ME because after he gets back from leave he should be back in the States by the middle of May!

Speaking of the middle of a month...

Today is the Ides of March.

I was going to post about that except I don't remember the story behind it anymore.

But I DO remember that the 15th of March is the Ides of March so I should get credit for that.

Roger has has followups with his pulmonologist and cardiologist in the last week and we're losing ground on both accounts but if determination counts for anything, we're gonna give it all we have. More scarring in the base of the lungs, now enlarged lymph nodes of the chest, his thyroid numbers have elevated for the first time ever and his shortness of breath is getting worse, necessitating the need for an echocardiogram yesterday and a chest CT and pulmonary function studies a couple of weeks ago. We've cut down on the prednisone for his pulmonary disease in order to preserve heart function because the heart does not like prednisone.

Kelli is working!!!!

She is with Centene in Clayton, a suburb of St. Louis processing Medicaid claims and making good money at it. It's a temp to hire so when they say hire I'm gonna say it's been real and good luck in your new abode. I understand not wanting to commit to a lease with a temp job(I'm not entirely cruel) but I have my eyes on the prize of getting my duplex back to a Roger-n-Me status and hopefully we're nearing the finish line.

Michael's plans are up in the air.

They asked him to take over the 178th Fire Support in Afghanistan starting NEXT MONTH but he declined(and coming off a deployment in Egypt that was his right) and besides, his mom would have cardiac arrested having him go from Egypt to Afghanistan without coming home first. Plus Afghanistan puts me in a panic. My son is no better than any other soldier to fight in Afghanistan but I need some time with him first.

Jake(Michael's cat) is back with me having spent the winter at his other grandma's and Colin is ecstatic. Jake, too, is looking for Shania and when Cade and Carter came up over the weekend they wanted to know where she was and that was a tough moment having to tell them but they understand about The Bridge now and that Shania is feeling better now.

Carter turned SIX on Friday---can you believe it?

Speaking of believe, I'm still believing and hope you all are doing the same. With all the tragedy in the world lately, we are a blessed people and need to keep on believin'. Also in my daily morning prayers I thank God for 24 hours that I get to choose how to spend and I have been spending it wisely. Consider spending your 24 hours wisely, too.

Today is the 11 month anniversary of Hallie's beloved son, CJ. Please keep the family in your prayers. I still can't believe that million dollar smile is out of my life...

Love to all.

Shania Kathleen Elizabeth Campbell 4/28/96-2/11/11

2011-02-15T08:27:00.000-06:00

God broke the mold when this mini tan dachshund was born and my heart broke when she died in my arms of a heart attack in the vet's office this past Friday.

She was the original family dachshund, the only one purchased. The other 3 were rescued.

Out of Shania, Brandy, Katie and Macon we only have Brandy left.

Poor Brandy...I have mistaken her for Shania countless times since Friday.

They are the same coloring but Brandy is bigger but when you glimpse out of the corner of your eye a tan dog you immediately think Shania.

Shania started having trouble breathing when we went to bed Thursday night. Usually she dives under the covers at her daddy's feet but she didn't want any covers on her. I stayed awake all night monitoring her as any mother would do for a sick child. Except for not wanting to eat and panting, she seemed normal. Took her outside and she took care of business. Very restless however. Called the vet and the soonest they could get her in was 3:30.

She took turns staying with Roger or me in our recliners and then wanted down to go to the dining room and lay in the sunshine. Brandy followed her, gave her a bath(something Brandy never did) and laid beside her.

Brandy knew.

Got her to the vet, weighed her (7.2 pounds) and went in the exam room. Within a minute she went limp in my arms and the vet walked in. Got her up on the table and determined that her lungs were full of fluid and that when she went limp in my arms she apparently took a blood clot to the heart and had a heart attack. She was barely breathing and no prognosis of recovering so I held her while she got the shot to go to the Rainbow Bridge. I wrapped her up in her blue baby blanket like a baby and carried her out to the waiting room bawling. They hurriedly got us checked out and brought Shania home.

Her funeral will be when Michael gets home. She was a family dog and will be buried at the family pet cemetery at Kathy's with the entire family present. Michael happened to call on Friday and I told him I thought she was in heart failure and he said, "No, Mom, don't think that...she has a dog virus and they will give her some meds." Very hard sending the email to tell him that the dog he fussed with and picked on since he was 11 would not be here to greet him when he gets home.

I'm going through all the "firsts"...preparing food for both she and Colin, looking for her in the bed to take her out and today when Colin and I came upstairs to work, I always left the TV on in the living room for Shania. Today I turned it off for the first time and cried.

Brandy and Shania were beanbag buddies and slept in the beanbag that Shania is pictured in above. Brandy is a lost soul.

Shania was not simply a dog, she was family.

She had attitude...that's why I named her Shania after Shania Twain because no one can sing a song with more attitude than Shania Twain.

She was Roger and mine's first child.

I hope there are lots of vanilla wafers and a DQ at the Rainbow Bridge. And give a high paw to Katie and Macon for me.

God bless you my little Shania.

Who Thought A Book Could Save Me Besides the Bible?

2011-02-01T09:56:00.001-06:00

Laura, I will NEVER be able to thank you enough for turning me on to this book!!!

I checked it out of our public library but have to have my own copy!

Basically, it is a book with reference to the Bible on how to set personal boundaries and basically how not to be a doormat to your friends, family or employer.

I've even shared it with my youngest because of her mentally abusive sister.

I feel like the bondage chains that my dad put on me have been broken free.

How I wish I had known about this book in my younger days.

Oh well, life begins anew every moment.

I wish I could afford to buy and send each of you this book. Even if you think you don't have any boundar problems, you need to read it.

I had made myself do a lot of things because I thought it was being Christian to do so. I never said the word no if anyone needed me for anything.

But in actuality, I was being an enabler to those who tried to use me to run their lives so they didn't have to do what they needed to do, specifically my daughters.

I have become empowered and I can say NO with empathy quicker than you can spit.

See?

I've lost the guilt of saying no. I apparently hated myself to be such a doormat over the years.

But the doormat has left the building.

Now I'm anxiously waiting for the book KimD tells me is a MUST READ called Motherless Daughters.

In the meantime I ordered and received about 10 Chicken Soup for the Soul books from the library including Christian Women, Cancer Dealing and Surviving, Chronic Illness, etc. and I'm reading as fast as I can.

And at KimD's recommendation, I am also watching the first DVD for the show American Dreams this afternoon.

And got hooked into 2 TV shows---Harry's Law and Blue Bloods.

And waiting for the "winter storm of the century" according to our weather people. So far we just have ice. I mean, I really don't want to lose power but don't hype it up for nearly a week and then get it wrong. I'm prepared to do weather battle!

And yes, I am vacillating between MSNBC and CNN on news of Egypt and Michael. He was able to get a call off to me on Sunday and being a history major, he is getting off on being there when all this history is being made.

Me, not so much.

Snail mail and all Internet has been shut off and Michael was able to call me from a pay phone in the sector(he's out in the field for 2 more weeks at least) when the main post got calling cards out to them. So please keep these 440 soldiers from the 2/123 Field Artillery Army unit from Illinois in your prayers.

I'm still BELIEVING.

You believe with me, too~OK?

Love to all.

Tune for Tuesday (I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor)

2011-01-24T23:04:00.000-06:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtIKTW85e5Q

Words for Monday

2011-01-24T09:23:00.000-06:00

I'm Bustin' A Major Guilt Trip Here

2011-01-16T12:05:00.000-06:00

Oh yeah and then some!

I have these amazing, beautiful, kind Bloggie Sistahs who keep me in their prayers and faithfully respond to my posts.

Yet, between the virus which is hopefully on the way out of the door and the fibro I can't find the strength/energy to reply to your blogs when I read them.

I think I need a secretary or a computer that will write for me or something.

That's why it's easier for me to call and talk from Command Central(my recliner).

So know that I appreciate all of your love, your comments, your prayers and do read your posts and nod my head and the replies to you are in my head but can't seem to get to my fingers to type them.

You are loved, you are in my daily prayers and soon I hope to be feeling more Ness-like and able to "bust a move" by replying to each of you.

Please still keep believing...it's all we can do.

My love and hugs to all.

2011-What took you so long?

2011-01-10T09:33:00.000-06:00

While everyone else was shopping for presents and decorating and caught up in the commercialism of Christmas, I was waiting for 2011 to get here.

2011 represents a lot to me.

A new beginning.

The year that my beloved Michael will be back from the Sinai.

And that I survived 2010 without Michael being in my airspace.

To be more specific, I yearned for January 2011.

Christmas would be over, a season I dreaded this year, or at least the trappings of the season I dreaded. I still eagerly anticipated the Reason for the Season but snow kept me from Midnight Mass. I think God understood.

I planned to spend a glorious January and February 2011 reading, sipping hot drinks, snuggling in my recliner with my blankie and my dog(s) and catching up on movies I'd put on the back burner.

Today is January 10 and the first 10 days of the new year have been taken away by a virus/flu/fill-in-the-blank that has not responded to anything my doctor or I have thrown at it. Nearly everyone I talk to has it...it just doesn't go away. Now my husband is coming down with it and with his compromised lungs and heart, this is a big no-no.

Although the body is sick, the mind never stops.

I have reviewed my life, taken stock and inventory of it and decided what is working, what has to go and what needs to come into it to make me happy, healthy and whole. My husband and I pray out loud before we go to sleep now. I determine on a daily/hourly/minute/nanosecond basis what isn't working in my world and delete it. Life is too short for drama. I do things because I want to do them. I have reclassified the things I dread to do and put them in a new light and consider that I am lucky that I CAN do them. I opened my eyes to the world not only around my airspace but that of across our world and decided to do what I can to make it better. I make sure that my nearest and dearest know that I love them and never miss an opportunity to tell them so when we leave each other via visit or phone call.

I am a people person.

I love to make people happy.

I like to make them for one minute smile while their world is crashing down around them.

To this end, I spent the Christmas season doing just that.

Roger and I knitted and crocheted a stained glass window afghan for Kathy.

I made a baby afghan for my sistah-friend's new granddaughter.

We made another sistah-friend a bakery box of goodies and sent it to her.

I made another sistah-friend a couple of memory blankets.

And that was Christmas to me.

Of course the highlight of 2011 (so far) will be in May when Michael comes home. Never have I missed another human being more. Never have I been more proud of him and his accomplishments over the past 8 months.

I've given up mourning for a world that once was and purposed to do what I can to make this world a better place. And it starts with me. I can't clean up the whole world but I can bloom where I'm planted.

The horrific Tucson tragedy of Saturday has laid heavy upon me. People being killed and shot for trying to do their job and help others who elected them to positions. People turning their heads and ignoring a problem, saying, "It's not my problem. Someone else can handle it."

You know what?

If you see it, it IS your problem.

No longer will I be silent and uninvolved when I notice someone who seems to be having problems in public, be it illness or any other kind. It is my responsibility to notify law enforcement of what I have seen and let them take over. I am the eyes and ears for those who seek to protect me as they can't see it all. How many tragedies are we going to have to go through(Columbine, Virginia Tech, 9/11, etc.) before we each realize that it begins with us. There is nothing more important that looking out for each other. And it doesn't take much energy or time to notify someone when you notice something isn't right. What? Are you afraid of being wrong? Afraid that someone will think you're overreacting? That's why you put it in another more experienced hands and bring it to their radar. They are trained. It takes a village to raise a child. It takes each other to live in the world today. None of us are immune to violence. To think that "that could never happen to me or my family" is just wrong on so many accounts.

So please keep your eyes open in 2011. Continue to believe. Continue to look for the good and bad and how you can help.

I love you all.

Ness 5~thyroid cancer return ZERO

2010-12-05T00:14:00.000-06:00

After 5 days of running back and forth to St. Louis the blood work came out crappy but the radioactive iodine scan showed no thyroid cancer!

I put my medical team on hold until January when we'll add a hematologist to the team and God knows who else to find out what is going on with my blood.

So next November, unless Dr. Grigsby feels something funky in my neck or my thyroid tests are waay off, no more radioactive iodine scans!

We pulled up in front of the house and Michael was on the phone waiting to see what the results were. Gotta love that soldier of mine!

The Army is already clamoring over him to send him to Afghanistan to head up the Fire Support team Nov 2012. I have a feeling that he will take an earlier deployment and not put his life on hold for 18 months.

Are your halls all decked?

Nary a one around here and it just may stay that way.

It's been a wild and crazy(read stressed to the max and then some) year and I'm not sure I'm up to decorating. May do some baking. Even cancelled my plans to spend Christmas Day with Kathy and the boys. We'll see them Christmas Eve, go to Midnight Mass and go home. Michael's presents, candy and Christmas tree has been sent so he's accounted for.

And on the good news front...

Our mechanic things the AC condenser slipped and that's why my truck locked up but I do not need a new motor and he's getting back to me next week on how $$$$$ it will take to fix it. I may be holding bake sales to raise the cash but we need the truck for Roger's doctor visits, etc. Thank you God it was not my motor.

Trying to catch up with all my blog friends and think I'm getting there.

Take care, don't let the holidays rule you and continue to b-e-l-i-e-v-e!

A Different Veterans Day 2010

2010-11-12T07:23:00.000-06:00

Since I married my childen's father we have always gone to the local Veterans Day(and Memorial Day) celebration to honor their Grandpa's brother who was killed in WWII. The kids stood right by their Grandpa during the ceremony.

Last year was the first year without Grandpa. He and his brother were sitting in Heaven looking down about their grandson and great-nephew Michael.

This year I went to the ceremony not only to honor Grandpa and his brother but to honor my son and his friends who are now serving our country.

The picture above is at the ceremony.

If you look straight up the aisle on the left, you will see a man with a tan tshirt and blue hat on. Next to him you will see a woman with the same tan tshirt on(tshirts that represent Michael's unit) with a red, white and blue hat on.

That is Roger and me at the ceremony.

I never felt closer to my son than at that ceremony.

They did it all--placing of the wreath on the Veterans Memorial, flyover at 11:11, presenting of the colors with a bagpiper and a phenomenal 4 star AF General who was in the Pentagon on 9/11 and shared his story.

Lots of patriotic music and they handed us flags to wave before we sat down.

I was surrounded by Veterans of all wars but were taken with the 2 who looked to be Grandpa's age sitting in front of me who kindly shared their war stories with me.

The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing and the town square was filled. Two fire trucks arched their ladders to display a humongous American flag.

I was OK through the ceremony, a few sniifs and stray tears here and there as I have always loved our soldiers long before I knew Grandpa and had a son in the military.

My undoing was the last song the soloist sang...God Bless America.

You see, Michael and Kiereney went to daycare before they were in kindergarten and were taught many songs, Michael's favorite being God Bless America. He would sing it to me all the time with that precious little lisp of his(now gone thanks to speech therapy) and the earnest look on his face was enough to melt your heart.

All I could hear as the soloist sang was my Michael singing that song and I lost it.

I am so proud of my son and his band of brothers and sisters across the world who gave up their freedom to secure ours.

This Veterans Day was different than any other for me.

May Almighty God continue to bless all those who have served and are serving.

Still believing.

Love you all~mean it.

Outta My Head and Into My Heart

2010-10-30T18:32:00.001-05:00

Been busy doing some housecleaning...

More like head cleaning.

Amazing what goes through my head and decides to stay...

Worries-problems-depression-the unknown, etc.

Last Sunday it came to a header

(no pun intended)

I sat out on the back steps in the cool cloudy day and had to decide if head was going to rule or heart was going to rule as something had to happen because I was on THE EDGE.

Heart won, thanks to God and an amazing friend who shall remain unnamed because it would embarrass her but she knows how many long conversations we have had and exactly how serious things were.

So that's why I haven't blogged.

I have missed you all and with being off for 2 days now I plan to catch up in BlogLand.

But right now...

the husband bellows that his homemade pasta is done and I must heed the call.

Don't~Stop~BELIEVING!

A Book Has Been Written About My Life!

2010-10-23T09:57:00.000-05:00

Yes, I've been back to the library.

No, I did not fall again.

Yes, I did see where I did fall and if I was an evil person I would sue the City of Belleville for the lip in their sidewalk that took me down!

But I digress...

I am a total reading eclectic.

Quotes, fiction, biographies, Bibles, Complete Idiot's Guide to ?

Yup, I read it.

So yesterday I had decided to look for the children's book Freddie the Leaf. Couldn't remember who wrote it but KNEW I LOVED the author's quotes and other books he has written.

Couldn't find it in the computer library catalog.

Mentioned it to the librarian(who stopped me to find out how I was after the fall and nearly donated her breakfast to my shoes when she saw my hand/wrist) and she said the title was THE FALL OF FREDDIE THE LEAF and it was in house.

Checked it out along with my Christmas craft magazines, the God Said Bible(remember the black and white billboards on the highways with God quotes?), a new Michelle Obama book, A Complete Idiot's Guide to the Bible and some more Debbie Macomber books.

Came home and read Freddie first.

I.CRIED.

It is a beautiful story.

I told my husband to read the book as my eulogy at my graveside service.(Funerals are for those who have the means and I'm not one of them and it's A-OK with me)

God bless you Leo Buscaglia for writing Freddie.

Thank you Debbie Macomber for mentioning Freddie in one of your books which made me check it out. I figured being the Fall Fanatic I am, any book about a leaf had to be right up my alley.

The rain did not come today...sigh.

Was looking forward to a rainy day.

It's cool and partly cloudy so I am grabbing a book and going outside to read and enjoy the weather.

Don't~stop~believin!

Thank you for being my friends!

All Over The Place

2010-10-20T09:25:00.000-05:00

Including the blackness spreading over my left hand.

It was a Ness vs public sidewalk in front of the library.

Enough to send 2 onlookers into near apoplexy wanting to call an ambulance.

I only wish it had been filmed so I could have seen it.

In slow motion my mind was going, "Oh no, this can't be happening. I'm going to break something and I have the only operable car with me."

From what I remember, it was an up in the air forward free fall landing on my bent up wrists and sliding for what seemed like forever before completing the belly flop.

But the phone, library book previously being held, purse and glasses survived the trip.

I went into the library after assuring people I did not need an ambulance and thanked them for their concern.

I sat down and within the hour I knew I was in deep doo-doo.

Drove home one armed(not good but necessary and I took back streets)

and Nurse Kelli assessed the growing hematoma and swelling at the base of my left wrist and said she didn't think it was broken and that was good enough to give me a Skip Out of ER Card as far as I was concerned.

Roger doctored all my scrapes on knees, palms and arms and set me up with an ice bag for my left wrist/hand while Kelli got antiinflammatories and pain meds and Mommy's Major Helper(aka Clonazepam or is it Clonidine?) After another hour I had a quarter sized bruise in the palm of my hand. Never saw a bruise in the palm of my hand and it was fascinating.

Good thing I've always loved rainbows because my hand is on its way to an Oscar for best rainbowed hand in a 56 year old female.

And still I worked.

One right hand and 4 tips of fingers on the left hand those medical dictations were dealt with.

Protestant work ethic lives on!

Today is Day 2 which is the prophetic day when all pain from an injury/fall wakes up to be counted and this is an exceptional Day 2 in every way. The recliner and Colin will be caring for me until time to type the transcriptions at 4 p.m.

On another note which I don't have time to fully get into I am probably going to 86 Facebook or pare it down a great deal. I use it to keep up with my dear friends(you know who you are) and my soldier. But when something ceases to be fun and causes you more grief than joy, then it's time to reevaluate. Next month is my yearly Reality Month to see what cancer holds in its evil hands and I usually do a lot of soul searching and mental housekeeping/evaluation. Life is too, too short to be miserable or let others make you miserable. I try to take care of friends and family but when it's one sided then it's time to reevaluate. If one allows one's self to be a doormat or have your buttons pushed, it is no one's fault but your own if you don't do something about it.

Continue to BELIEVE.

Even if you have to fake it to make it which is how I'm currently rolling.

I can't fix what needs fixing and it destroys me.

But I have to BELIEVE and so do you that someday ...

All Systems Go!

2010-10-11T17:56:00.000-05:00

And I probably just jinxed myself!

The computer is back with a new laptop keyboard(not that I use it but it keeps me from having to drag the external one with me if I take the laptop anywhere) and an updated modem from the cable people showing my speed is at 25(?) whatever THAT means but it's the fastest one they have so it should be great for work.

I actually worked THREE days last week and took the computer back to the Dr. to get the keyboard installed. He is great but either really busy or really slow. I still don't have the items downloaded he saved from the old hard drive but working is the name of the game right now so I'll deal with that later.

I think I've been dealing with enough lately, don't you?

Do I hear an AMEN?

Anyway...

Got the dining room carpet cleaned today and doing the living room on Wednesday and that is going to complete my Fall Housekeeping for 2010.

AND

Kiereney found my Fall wreath I've had forever in a closet so it's now on the back door and it looks like Fall at the Campbell Compound.

Wouldn't you know it?

I got my computer back last week and MICHAEL could not Skype because his aircard went AWOL...

He called me on Friday and it was phenomenal!

Roger is hanging in there with the prednisone...definite mood changes but I can roll with that...

MOST of the time anyway.

I SO NEED TO CATCH UP READING YOUR BLOGS!!!!!

Life ~should~ calm down now computer wise to enable me to do that.

But then one never knows with this family!

Until then, keep~on~BELIEVING!!!!

And know that I pray for each and every one of my Bloggers that I follow.

Love to all.

Preaching to the Choir

2010-10-01T16:08:00.000-05:00

In our last episode, Ness had been without her computer for at least a week, maybe two...her mind is gone forever out to lunch.

This week their truck blew the motor in the middle of the town square.

It had to be towed(Progressive Insurance is SUPER!)

She and her husband rode home in a black and white

(police car)

The estimate is $6000

And it still has monthly payments.

Am I concerned?

That would be no.

Why?

That is the $64,000 question.

I guess I still am believing for a solution.

Solutions are:

Come up with $6000.00 to fix as in loan because that is our only option. (We have poor family relations anyway you slice it)

Tow home and let sit until the $6000.00 drops into our laps somehow.

And did I mention that the computer is STILL in the shop and no doubt my job has gone down the crapper.

Can I even SAY crapper?

It's my blog so I guess I can.

But the important thing I want to impart to my readers, God bless their few little numbers is that I want you to

CONTINUE TO BELIEVE

It's the best thing I've got going for me~HOPE

And without it...

Well, we will not even go there.

I miss you and love you all and someday, somehow, somewhere...

In the meantime, continue to enjoy each 24 hours you have.

Next month is my reality check with Siteman Cancer Center.

And I have been told that thyroid cancer usually makes a come back after the 5 year mark which was July 19, 2010.

I just want to see my son first.

And I'm believing that's going to happen.

Being Brave

2010-09-22T15:14:00.000-05:00

Back at the library.

This is the longest I have ever been without a home computer since 1993.

Two weeks and counting.

My phone has helped me be able to read emails and FB and here but replying is a whole 'nother ballgame.

Plus I haven't worked in 2 weeks.

If I still have a job.

Maybe this is God's way of either saying A) Now you can tell Disability that you have been off work; or B) It's time to hang up your transcription spurs and admit that you are powerless over fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome.

Sorry, God, I need more proof.

What that is, I do not know.

But I DO need to tell you about a special event happening tonight(Wednesday) at 10:09 p.m. Illinois time.

FALL ARRIVES!!!!!!!

My fav-o-rite season!

And this also means that I have made it through one season(Summer) without Michael's hugs and only have 1 3/4 seasons to go.

Everything is relative.

What you can't have you want.

Now.

I try to put it in perspective that at least he's supposed to come back to me in May.

But as Life has proven to us, things change in the blink of an eye.

So I continue to pray for his and the Batallion's safety and for May 2011 to get here soon.

In the meantime, Happy Fall Y'all!!!

Will be decorating for Fall tomorrow after I do my Fall cleaning.

Take care and keep. on. BELIEVING.

And a special shout out and hugs to my sistah-friend Hallie.

Love You.

Mean It.

In The Hospital

2010-09-16T11:51:00.000-05:00

My laptop that is, although I probably need to be but that's another blog post.

A week ago my hard drive gave up the ghost.

But then God sent a Computer Angel to guide me.

I had called Dell to get a new one(as in, come to find out, REFURBISHED one, for $70) which was to have arrived on the 15(Wednesday).

But THEN I discovered that my DVD door would not open and in order to reload the computer after I installed the hard drive, I would need to be able to open the DVD.

Enter Computer Angel.

I opened up the phone book on Sunday and looked in the Yellow Pages. I did not want a place like GeeksRUs who would look at my computer with $$$$$$$ in their eyes. I wanted an individual.

So I called the first ad that listed an owner and also did hard drive recovery.

He didn't answer or have an answering machine come on.

Strike one.

Before I could look at the next ad my phone rang and it was THE GUY!

We made arrangements for me to bring my computer over on Monday and he enlightened me that Dell was NOT selling me a new hard drive but a refurbished one. No WONDER my last one only made it 2 years and I bought the computer NEW in 2006 from the Dell Factory and had already put a new(supposedly) hard drive in it from Dell in 2008.

So Roger and I went to see the guy on Monday.

Long story short, while he was talking I looked around and saw a CD from a church I had gone to, the church that my former pastor's son had for my formative years. I asked if he was a member and he said YES!

That was my sign that my computer was in good hands.

Also found out we knew several of the same people and when we left his shop I called one of them and he informed me he had shaken hands with this guy after church the day before.

Score!

I'm having the keyboard replaced because it mysteriously got the unknown spilled on it by Somebody and doesn't work so I was using an auxillary keyboard which is easier for me anyway but as long as it was in computer ICU might as well fix what ails it.

Of course there would never be a good time in my life for this expense to occur...

AND

If I don't have a computer, I can't work and I don't get paid.

My office has been looking for an excuse to pink slip me anyway so looks like I delivered it to them.

Time will tell.

So for those of you who checked on me and my whereabouts, thank you.

It always warms my heart to know someone cares.

Not sure when I'll be back in the land of the living computer.

But if you get a chance, go to my FB, click on my friend(and son) Michael Dwyer and check out the pics he posted from Cairo, Egypt with him riding a camel and of the Pyramids.

I've heard they're great but haven't seen them yet.

I wrote you first...such loyality!

So before my hour on the library computer runs out I'm going to gaze at my son and probably cry because I miss him more than I thought I could miss anyone.

Continue to take care and always, always BELIEVE!

The Proverbial Broken Record

2010-09-07T15:59:00.000-05:00

WHY CAN'T WE JUST ALL GET ALONG?

Sigh...

I am so upset.

I heard on the news in passing that a Florida church is going to burn copies of the Koran.

Then I heard that the Koran is the holy book of Islam.

Then I heard that our top US General over in the Mideast says that if the burning of the Koran is done that it will escalate danger for our US Soldiers.

Then I heard that the Republicans were all for this.

Because if anything was said about our Soldiers being hurt or killed that it was President Obama's fault for having US soldiers over there in the first place.

I am literally heart sick.

I am really naive.

I just can't believe that any American, Republican or otherwise, would want harm to come to US soldiers.

Why?

Has the political chasm gotten to the point that we throw our soldiers under the bus to prove a point?

I just want to withdraw from the world.

Why is the Koran any less holy that the Bible or Book of Mormon or any other religious group's books?

I just don't understand why we all can't get along, respect our differences and live in harmony.

I hate mustard but am I going to start a movement to have it banned from all stores

Am I too simplistic, too naive, too something?

Our soldiers are in enough danger.

And now this?

I'll never see my son again.

15 Years

2010-09-02T16:14:00.001-05:00

Roger, Ness, Michael(10) and Kiereney(8)

Welcome September!

2010-09-01T18:57:00.000-05:00

Usually I embrace September like a long lost friend.

It begins my favorite season of the year-Fall.

It also represented the beginning of school...everything old is new again.

I didn't want to let the first day of September go by without a welcome although my heart is not in it today.

Maybe tomorrow.

Tomorrow is our 15th wedding anniversary.

I will post some wedding photos.

No biggie plans.

I don't expect anyone to understand what state of mind I am in right now.

I just want to be and find peace if possible.

I've lost the spark of life.

September, I will try to find our joy before you end.

Hang in there, old friend.

I still love you.

You and me go waaaay back.

Don't give up on me yet.

I'm still trying to believe in ordinary miracles of everyday life.

But it gets harder each day.

DuQuoin State Fair and meeting the Gov of IL

2010-08-29T13:57:00.000-05:00

We(the girls, Roger and his oxygen and I) traversed about 60 miles south to the DuQuoin State(IL) fair yesterday.

We were meeting up with Kathy who is in Michael withdrawl so I brought my computer because I was TOLD they had Wi-Fi there.

OK, so they lied...

BUT

while I was in the only air conditioned building on the fairgrounds trying to set up Skype I heard applauding(I hadn't EVEN gotten the computer up yet) and in walks the Gov!

The Gov of the very state that sent 400 of Illinois's Finest to BFE Egypt.

I furiously tried to get Skype up so I could have the Gov talk to Michael but it was not to be.

HOWEVER

as the Gov finished up his speech and kissed a few babies(election year, you know) I met him at the end of the aisle with my couture Army 2/123FA Charlie BTRY shirt accessorized with my Michael dogtags and Michael picture pin and introduced myself.

Supposedly he was very big on military families especially those who had deployed soldiers.

I told him my son was in the Sinai and he looked and said, "Yes, I believe we have 400 National Guard troops there. And I'm planning on trying to get over and see them."

Then he shook my hand and without so much as a bye-your-leave scooted out to his waiting helicopter that my taxes are paying for.

The girls missed the whole thing because they were looking at Heifers(the cows not the rest of the family).

They said only Mom could get an audience with The Gov.

Well, he moved my son 7000 miles away so I thought he deserved the opportunity to meet me.

(KimD, I hear you laughing. Stop it. Now.)

So now I've contrived some virus from the fair peeps(TYVM) so I'm headed to the recliner, my meds and my knitting.

Have a blessed day and continue to BELIEVE

Workin' The Bucket List

2010-08-26T12:34:00.000-05:00

BTW, if you haven't seen this movie DO SO...

NOW!!!

Anyway, I have an evolving Bucket List.

Things I want to do before I go to aggravate God or take over Hell, whichever it turns out to be.

Personally, I think God needs me but it's not my decision...

I would never be as bold as to tell God what to do...

But God, if you're open to suggestions...

I'd make a wonder addition to the Heavenly Kingdom...

Just sayin'...

Anyway...

On my Bucket List I wanted to watch

Kiereney was in the high school musical but I was too absorbed watching the show to understand the show.

Makes sense if you think about it.

Like being the one to video your family's performance but so concentrating on videoing that you don't really SEE the performance.

Anyway...

I taped the movie from HBO the other night and watched it on Tuesday afternoon.

Can I just say that I love-love-LOVE watching a movie at home with no commercials?

I've always been a Barbra Streisand fan.

But I needed to watch Hello Dolly and it brought back such memories from Kiereney's performance.

Just one problem...

Now I want to watch ALL of Barbra's movies...

I feel the Bucket List pen coming out...

Off to figure out WHY I can't view Power Point presentations with Office 2003(the MS Solutions forum is lovin' me today...) because Michael's superior has sent me one and I can't open it and that's not acceptable!!!!

Continue to BELIEVE and have a phenomenal day!

DachshundStrong Uncut-Part 2

2010-08-24T09:58:00.001-05:00

I have to preface this by saying that the last 3 weeks have been mental hell in my life. A lot of things going on as well as unable to afford my meds. My normal(?) frame of mind has not been in the building.

I finally figured out the other day the reason why I don't retain history like most people do.

It's because I know where to go when I need to know.

Like, take WW II for example...

If I need to know something about it, I bring up Google and it's at my fingertips.

So I make it a habit not to listen to or retain info on history or politics.

Mostly politics because I don't like controversy.

Enter the discussions on the Islam/911 building situation.

It has been all over the news.

(My husband is a CNN/MSNBC news person. Since Michael deployed, I limit my news to local)

Even while knitting I have heard bits and pieces about Islam wanting to build a monument within 2 blocks of the 911 site.

And I gather there's oppostion.

Herein lies my rub.

We have unemployment, people uninsured, people who need food, shelter, medicine and those are besides the ones on the street(present company included), cures for cancer, lupus, MS and a whole bunch of other things not to mention better schools, better care for the elderly and the list goes on and we're taking the time and effort to disagree over if someone should have a monument near the 911 site?

Isn't there room for us all to grieve and have a monument?

Again, with reference to my nonretention of history, and since this is my blog, I can say this.

Ahem.

I refer to it as the one bad apple don't spoil the whole bunch.

And don't hold me to proper terms here.

Again, my blog and it's not up for grading.

But it is my understanding that the reason against the Islam monument is because Islam terrorist/nationalists(Michael, I need your brain right now) were responsible for 911.

So it would be a smack in the face and disrespect to those who were killed/injured in 911 to have the "enemy" have a monument near 911.

I guess I'm just pretty simple.

But I don't blame gun holders in the city where the Columbine massacre occurred.

Not everyone with a gun commits mass murders.

And it is my understanding that Islam people lost their relatives in 911 as well.

So we punish the Islam survivors by not allowing them to have a monument to honor their people lost in 911?

How narrow minded are we becoming?

Do I have a problem with the Islam monument?

No, I don't.

But I do have a problem with people's efforts focusing on it when we have so many problems right here, right now in this country that we should be focused on.

So I have been pretty down about the whole Islam monument controversy.

Thinking that my beloved USA has lost its focus of our ancestors who held barn raisings and shared their cow with their neighbor and their neighbor was anyone in need and it was simply enough that someone needed something and they had it to share, so they shared it.

So as a diversion, I began flipping through the channels to find a movie that would allow me to escape my mind for a while.

I've always loved musicals.

So when I saw that Hairspray was going to be on and I had never seen it(Michael reminds me that I watched a piece of it in 2008 but I do not remember. God bless memory killing radioactive iodine cancer treatments) and decided to record it.

I watched it Sunday morning.

No clue beforehand what it was about except it was a musical and I LOVE musicals and music and felt it would be a good way to escape for a while.

As I got into the story and saw discrimination of fat people, I could identify because I am fat. But I have crossed that hurdle and am at peace with it.

Then it got to the black and white discrimination issue.

I grew up during that.

And remember we conquered it.

That gave me hope.

Those actors on Hairspray were performing what I wanted to see on my Real Life TV set....accepting each other, getting along and working for the common good.

By the time the movie was over, I felt hope again.

If discrimination could be dealt with once, it could be dealt with again.

So I'm counting on a compromise with the Islam monument situation.

People working together to find a solution.

I thoroughly respect the right of others not to agree with me and if you feel the need to storm my inbox with your objections, go for it.

It's what America is all about.

But at the end of the day I will love you just the same.

Why can't we all just get along?

DachshundStrong Uncut-Part 1

2010-08-22T21:59:00.000-05:00

Stephen Covey, author of one of my favorite books The 7 Habits of High Effective People states Habit 2 as:

So I am.

Watch the video below and come back tomorrow for the rest of the story.

I will leave you with this thought.

I have seen the light

and the light is phenomenal!

~I BELIEVE~

I DO believe!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWekvu3-ckw&feature=fvsr

You Have to Grow Weary About Hearing About My Son

2010-08-19T09:32:00.001-05:00

This is the latest picture I have of him(standing on the right).

To me, he's just not your "gee I want to have a baby, slam-bam and 9 months later, here's my son."

No, he was an 8 year process of prayers, pills, miscarriages, heartache and desire to give Kelli Lynne a sibling.

He was the culmination of me finally saying, "Let go and let God," if it's meant to be.

And letting God have the last laugh.

(And I do believe God laughs, especially at me. I have so much material for Him to work with.)

With Kelli almost 8 years old and in school, I decided to go to nursing school. If I couldn't have another baby, I would go take care of other babies.

Everything fell into place for my admission.

I made some great friends.

Friends who would be my lifesavers when six weeks into school I found out I was pregnant!

Nursing school doesn't usually give you a time out for pregnancy, much less a high risk one so my nursing student posse took over.

If I needed to move a patient, someone was there for me.

I'm sure my instructors looked the other way a lot of times when I had help lifting patients into wheelchairs only to be assisted by other students who did this on their own volition. The instructors knew I knew the material, studied hard, aced all my tests and that I would make it through school as a phenomenal nurse.

In April the Posse had a surprise shower for me. I needed everything as I had given stuff away after 8 years of no need for baby stuff.

On May 8, 1985 at 8:27 a.m. my 8 pound 4 ounce son was born by repeat C section.

I named him Michael Timothy...Michael for a childhood best friend who died of leukemia and Timothy for St. Louis Cardinal Catcher Tim McCarver.

Five days later the nursing instruction staff had Michael in the lounge passing him around while I took semester finals at school which I aced!

I call him my miracle baby.

18 months and 18 days later, God got the ultimate laugh when Kiereney Jo was born.

Watch what you ask for.

But that's another blog post.

I so miss my miracle baby, now young man.

He is a gentle giant.

Everything you would want in a son if you could go to the store and pick out the characteristics.

So hope you brought your barf bag today while reading this post because this mom is laying it on thick.

I love my son and am so proud of him.

And with tears in my eyes, I miss him like crazy.

God bless you my miracle baby.

Be safe.

Hurry home.

My 500th Blog Post!

2010-08-16T16:36:00.004-05:00

I have been a quote/sayings person for as long as I can remember. The following words are near and dear to my heart and I can think of no better way to commemorate my 500th blogpost. Thank you for following along my blog journey with me. I have made the best friends through this blog and I will treasure you always.

To Every Thing There is a Season - Ecclesiastes 3. 1-8

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;

A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;

A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;

A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

*******

'Tis the gift to be simple,

'tis the gift to be free,

'tis the gift to come down where you ought to be,

And when we find ourselves in the place just right,

It will be in the valley of love and delight.

When true simplicity is gained,

To bow and to bend we shan't be ashamed.

To turn, turn will be our delight,

'Til by turning, turning we come round right

'Tis the gift to be loved and that love to return,

'Tis the gift to be taught and a richer gift to learn,

And when we expect of others what we try to live each day,

Then we'll all live together and we'll all learn to say,

'Tis the gift to have friends and a true friend to be,

'Tis the gift to think of others not to only think of "me",

And when we hear what others really think and really feel,

Then we'll all live together with a love that is real.

*******

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace;

                                       where there is hatred, let me sow love;

                                                 when there is injury, pardon;

                                                   where there is doubt, faith;

                                                 where there is despair, hope;

                                                 where there is darkness, light;

                                                  and where there is sadness, joy.

                                                 Grant that I may not so much seek

                                                     to be consoled as to console;

                                                to be understood, as to understand,

                                                         to be loved as to love;

                                                for it is in giving that we receive,

                                             it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,

                             and it is in dying [to ourselves] that we are born to eternal life.

                                                                              *******

                                                                        Desiderata

                                       Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

                            and remember what peace there may be in silence.

                                         As far as possible, without surrender,

                                               be on good terms with all persons.

                                           Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

                                                         and listen to others,

                                          even to the dull and the ignorant;

                                                      they too have their story.

                                         Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

                                               they are vexatious to the spirit.

                                          If you compare yourself with others,

                                              you may become vain or bitter,

                    for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

                               Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

                         Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

                           it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

                                    Exercise caution in your business affairs,

                                               for the world is full of trickery.

                                But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

                                           many persons strive for high ideals,

                                       and everywhere life is full of heroism.

                                Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

                                              Neither be cynical about love,

                                 for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

                                             it is as perennial as the grass.

                                   Take kindly the counsel of the years,

                             gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

                       Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

                          But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

                          Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

                                           Beyond a wholesome discipline,

                                                 be gentle with yourself.

                                         You are a child of the universe

                                    no less than the trees and the stars;

                                             you have a right to be here.

                                    And whether or not it is clear to you,

                                 no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

                                        Therefore be at peace with God,

                                      whatever you conceive Him to be.

                              And whatever your labors and aspirations,

                                           in the noisy confusion of life,

                                            keep peace in your soul.

                           With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

                                           it is still a beautiful world.

                                      Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.
                                                       ~Max Ehrmann~

                                                                     *******

                                                  What Cancer Cannot Do

                                                      Cancer is so limited

                                                      It cannot cripple love

                                                      It cannot shatter hope

                                                      It cannot corrode faith

                                                    It cannot destroy peace

                                                     It cannot kill friendship

                                                  It cannot suppress memories

                                                     It cannot silence courage

                                                      It cannot invade the soul

                                                      It cannot steal eternal life

                                                     It cannot conquer the spirit.

A Glimpse at My Lieutenant

2010-08-13T00:01:00.000-05:00

Excerpt from an email from Michael I got this morning:

Hello from the Sinai. We have been very busy here the past week preparing for sector inspections. Everything went fairly well and they were impressed with C BTRY's improvements to the sector (not surprising). I have been embroiled with fighting South Camp on letting me run the sector and report to them instead of them trying to run everything from there. The commander came out here yesterday and we had the cook make a cheesecake (not as good as mine) for his birthday. My attempts to incite a humorous situation by having everyone wish him a happy 40th birthday was met by dry chuckles and threats of bad comments on my OER (Officer Evaluation Report).

We head back to South Camp next week, and this week finds me preparing for the transition back. I'm trying to set up air assets for two of my sites while squaring away vehicle issues for the rest of them. My guys out here have been phenomenal and CPT Finn is constantly getting praise on our performance out here. I received the first care package yeserday and was overjoyed to have my hard drive. The Splenda went in my coffee this morning and I've had to hide it in my desk for safe keeping. Kiereney will be happy to know that one of my soldiers is an NCIS fan and trying to get me into it....he's failing so far.

Well, the LOGPAC with our food is rolling in so I need to head out. Hope everyone there is doing fine and I'll set up a Skype for this weekend. Later.

Love,

Michael

I can just hear him saying these words, seeing that smile when he injected the humorous parts.

I miss him so much it physically hurts.

But May/June 2011 is coming day by day and I'm determined to make it to see him again.

It's what keeps me going.

Hurry home Lieutenant!

Mom needs a Michael hug in the worst way!

I love you and am so proud of you and C BTRY.

A Message from the COTB

2010-08-08T22:18:00.000-05:00

Or Chairman of the Board for those not in the know.

I KNOW the blog is named DachshundStrong and I know why.

But, with Bro gone, I'm in charge of Mom

NOT an easy job for those in the know...

So today TCKACBMC

(The Chihuahua Known As Colin Berkeley Mac Campbell)

is havin' his say.

Mom is off work Sundays and Mondays

As you can see, I'm having to hold her down in the recliner

Sigh...

Yeah, that is a navy blankie on the arm of the recliner.

Yes it is hotter than hot in Belleville, IL

And YES, Mom hates to be hot!

So there is a big fan aimed at the recliner for Mom and the blankie is for me.

Chihuahuas have rights, too!

Since it's Mom's off and I'm trying to keep her in the chair and away from the computer(she says it's for pleasure only but since she makes a living transcribing medical recs I consider the computer a no-no on her days off)

And I AM in charge of her, you know.

Check these out!

This is the front of our duplex(we're on the right) and we fly this flag daily for Michael and our soldiers all over the world. Michael put it up for the first time right before he deployed.

This is the service flag Michael sent to Mom(surprised her all to smithereens!) after he deployed. The navy star shows that a deployed soldier lives here. In the spring, we're going to load the tree out front with yellow ribbons until Michael comes back in May/June 2011.

I miss my Bubbie!

We Skyped the other day and Jake cut into my Skype time. You'd think Jake was Michael's cat or something...

Back to today...

I kept Mom in the recliner most of the day playing with yarn(she calls it knitting).

Actually Dad was in his recliner doing the same thing.

My job is to see which one of them is concentrating the most on their knitting and then I spring into their laps and demand to have my chest rub and massage.

Kinda hard to knit around the COTB!

Mom got into her jazz music for a while and then switched to Law and Order SVU marathon(major YAWN...)

It was a pretty easy day.

Tomorrow will be a killer!

Mom is VERY OCD!

She says she has to do X amount of household work every day to feel entitled to sit down in her recliner and chill.

As if her health isn't enough of a reason !

So tomorrow she will be totally BENT on doing her housework.

Lucky for me she runs out of energy easily so she will head to the recliner and I'll be able to get my nap....errr, do my job and make her rest!

Time for my power sleep!

G'night, and as Mom always says, have a phenomenal day and BELIEVE!

Yeah, it's me again...sigh.

Mom said I forgot the quote!

Who's blog post is this anyway?!?!?!?

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.

Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.

And the point is to live everything.

Live the questions.

~~Rilke~~

Are you Humbly Grateful or Grumbly Hateful...what's your attitude?

2010-08-03T10:16:00.000-05:00

Many, many moons ago when I used to play for the childrens choir at the Methodist Church, they had a song book called Kids Under Construction and one of the songs they learned was Are You Humbly Grateful or Grumbly Hateful?

They really got into that song!

I think it appealed to them because it wasn't the usual church song of Jesus Loves Me or This Little Light of Mine(which are great songs and I love them to this day but sometimes 4th graders are a hard group to reach if you don't throw them a cool song now and then. Besides, learning about attitude and gratitude is important and should be taught to children today by their parents.

But I digress...

So what's new? :-)

Anyway...

I am a firm believer in both attitude and gratitude.

Do I have an attitude?

Is the Pope Catholic?

And furthermore...

I know how to use it.

And also when to use it.

It has served me well and will until my last breath.

Gratitude is an integral part of my life.

I am so thankful for a home where I am safe.

Food to eat.

Utilities.

My furkids.

Family.

And I am especially grateful for my son's Commander who fired off an email to us on Monday letting us know that the missiles fired over our soldiers' airspace did not do any damage to life, limb or property. When you think about it, I'm sure the Commander had a myriad of things to do when the missiles came into his airspace, first and foremost, the safety of his soldiers and finding out the who, what, when, where and why of what was going down.

Not to mention all his top brass wanting answers from him.

But he turned his heart toward home and fired off an email to each of the families to let them know what he knew and the status of our soldiers.

For that, I am eternally grateful.

I tend not to believe in people/drink the Kool Aid like I used to. My gullibility factor has bottomed out.

When we went to a family meeting before Michael's deployment, his Commander addressed us about what we were about to embark upon as a family of a deployed soldier and told us that he would personally see to it that we were kept informed immediately of anything going on with our soldiers and a once a week status update of what was going on in their world. He asked us not to get caught up in the national news reports because they were akin to The Enquirer, Star and other media that wants viewship and will sensationalize or not quite bring out the facts, thus causing a lot of panic and heartache for military families.

After my son, the Commander will be the next one I hug when they return home.

I was SCARED.TO.DEATH of my son deploying.

Afterall, NOONE watches over him like I do.

The Commander talked to me and assured me that he would be looking out for each of the soldiers under his command and his facial expression and look in his eyes convinced me that Michael would be OK, that I was as good as there by having the Commander's eyes on him.

It's a Mom Thing.

Michael is a wonderful young man, thoroughly trained in the military and totally capable of taking care of business. Never have I been so proud of him I am today.

But again...

It's a Mom Thing.

Please keep Michael and our soldiers in your daily thoughts and prayers.

Also Roger goes back to the pulmonologist today to be rechecked for his lung condition called BOOP

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bronchiolitis_obliterans_organizing_pneumonia

The treatment is long term large amounts of steroids.

Steroids is the kiss of death for his heart condition.

Stay tuned.

Have a phenomenal day and BELIEVE

Today is ALSO Being Brought To You By The Letter T

2010-07-28T09:16:00.001-05:00

for my two favorite TELEVISION SHOWS

DISCLAIMER!

Because I love-love-LOVE these shows, they will be cancelled.

That has been my experience and you have been warned.

Saw the first six episodes of Hot In Cleveland with Kathy on Sunday and can't remember the last time I laughed so much for so long. Betty White is phenomenal and you can't go wrong with Valerie Bertinelli. The other two main characters I have not seen before but it was love at first episode. It's a feel good show and God knows we need more laughter in our lives!

Kathy also got me into HawthoRNe but she's only watched the first show.

I have always LOVED Will Smith(Fresh Prince of BelAir) but didn't know much about his wife Jada Pinkett Smith.

Saw an Oprah interview with the Smith family when their son's recent movie came out and I.liked.Jada.

We could be twins in attitude.

She doesn't take anything off anyone and her heart is as big as all outdoors.

Watched HawthoRNe and immediately identified when I worked in ER.

I feel so satisfied after watching a show.

Gives me the good-all-overs.

DachshundStrong rates it 5 dachshunds!

Any questions?

Didn't think so.

These two kind of tell it as it is.

Off to take care of business aka paying bills...what a downer but glad I can do so.

Have a phenomenal day and BELIEVE