16 July 2009

Thursday Wrap

I usually start my Thursday Wrap with a box wrapped up with a bow but today I'm unwrapping/rewrapping my heart.
I thought this picture was a good likeness of my heart--the red, white and blue. The same red, white and blue colors that were folded by grandchildren and presented to Grandma by a 2nd Lieutenant in what has to be his finest moment. I'm sure his Grandpa was beaming through the lightning and thunder storm we were having that prevented us from processing to the grave after the funeral. Who knows? Perhaps Grandpa designed the storm because he wanted us to hurry to the church and eat the wonderful dinner that had been prepared and by skipping the cemetary we could get to the food faster. Grandpa loved his food. And I loved Grandpa and he inspired Michael to follow in his military footsteps. Grandpa is watching from above and will be my military support as my son goes forth. I miss Grandpa but know he is in a better place and his eyes never stray from his family.
My red, white and blue heart is hurting as I watch my 2nd Lieutenant son deal with the red tape that we call the military process to get his status corrected so he can get his transfer through and start his life where he grew up in Virginia. He is blitzing every avenue he can think of to become employed until he is called to a land far away with his brothers and sisters defending his country. Yet, how can you apply for a job when your transfer from Illinois to Virginia has not gone through? He would have to report back to Illinois once a month for drill if he took a job in Virginia now. He is industrious, tenacious and determined to do whatever he has to do to get through this red tape. I have lost faith in the paperwork process of our military. No one cares that one little mistake or careless keystroke can put someone's life on hold...a life that deserves to be lived.
My red, white and blue heart is also on DEFCON 2 as we await the date of Kiereney's third shunt surgery. She has been given horrific odds of making it through and they will have 2 neurosurgeons working on her at to remove the previous shunt and tubing from the spine and abdomen and the other one to put the new shunt in her brain. This is the surgery that should have been done in the first place but we were told her ventricles in her brain would not support the shunt. She's determined to win this battle and her spirit flies as high as the flag on my back deck. She has always been God's child on loan to me for a while but I don't think she's completed her mission here yet. She wants to be a nurse and with what she has gone through medically, her compassion and skills will know no bounds.
And my red, white and blue heart is once again having to look inward as more testing will be getting done once I know my Kiereney is OK to see if the monster has raised its ugly head once again. I have been having shortness of breath and have quit breathing during the night so the oncologist wants to rule out sleep apnea first and once that is done, will do his part. Sunday will be my 4 year cancerversary and Roger and I plan to live to the highest every moment of that day celebrating life. Forest Park in St. Louis may never be the same again!
And finally, my heart is turning toward home concerning my blog. My blog has been a godsend, a place to put my thoughts down before my riddled brain can forget them. I hope someday to have its contents converted to a book that I can look back on from my recliner. It never was a popularity contest with me...if people wanted to read, what you see is what you get. You may agree, you may disagree or you just simply may shake your heads at what I write. Yet sometimes when I see the amount of readership of other blogs it stings, yet I don't have the energy for contests or other things that entice readership. I have often thought about just shutting the blog down but I know I would miss it as an instrument to get my thoughts down in a way only I can do it. I have been creatively writing since 2nd grade and it is a gift from God that has seen me through many reports, papers, term papers and speeches. My mother said I could turn any normal event to book and movie material simply by the way I wrote about it-the words I chose to use as if you were right there experiencing the sight and sounds and feelings of the moment. I never believed I had a talent for writing but have been told otherwise through the years. I have always loved quotes and *one day*(my computer makes this its nightly prayer) I am going to print out all the quotes I have saved in folders and put them in the loose leaf binder I started years ago.
So perhaps I will find the heart to continue this blogging journey. I guess it depends on how life unfolds. If not, know that blogging has brought me the truest, the best, the brightest and the most loving friends I could have ever hoped to have. I've had the privilege of meeting one of you in person, talking to you in email and on the phone and the love transcends.
God Bless.


Steph said...

Love you Ness! Keeping you and your family in my prayers.


jojo said...

I have been having the same introspective feelings/thoughts about my blog...I am not sure where I am at with it now but it has also been a Godsend to me. I am so glad our paths have crossed and I hope we can keep in touch should you decide not to blog any more. I think of you often and keep you in my prayers...sending you love and a smile...;p

WinnyNinny PooPoo said...

keep on writing....from one doxie lover (and cancer survivor) to another....You and your family are in my prayers!

From Emily & Augie Doggie

Debbie Jean said...

I had a long message all typed out and it disappeared!! So I will say, I will miss you Ness, if you quit your blog. I like Jojo, would hope to continue to hear from you, and know how the family is doing. I care Ness about you and your family. You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope all is OK, medically, and you find out what is causing your symptoms. I have severe sleep apnea, and the CPAP machine helps. Please let me know.

God Bless~
Debbie Jean

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I'm sorry you're going through hard times. You're in my thoughts & prayers! xoxo

Debra W said...


Like you said, it's not about "the numbers", it's about the love behind the numbers. And I truly believe that the blogging friends that you have made are ones that really care about you and your family.

That being said, do what feels right to you. If you need to take a bit of a break, then go for it. You will definitely be missed, but we will be here when you return. I would hate for you to close your blog for good, because I think it serves a wonderful purpose in your life. Whatever you do, I would want you to stay in touch because you have become too important to me to let go of! And please don't just disappear into the ethernet. That would make me, and so many others, very, very sad.

I know that life has been throwing a lot at you at once. Write when you can, and when it makes you feel better, but don't ever feel obligated. That is part of the reason that I only write once or twice a week. I never want to feel like blogging is just another thing that I have to get done.

Have a good weekend.

Big hugs and love,

kim-d said...

I know exactly what you're saying about your blog, Ness. I went through the same thing, and had the same thoughts. Once I got back to "the basics" of writing strictly for myself instead of for, in a way, an felt right again.

I just want you to know that you're always in my thoughts and prayers. Always will be.