05 January 2008

Every New Beginning's Just Another New Beginning's End

The kids are getting ready to leave.

What IS IT about sons?

Michael has been with me since his semester ended in mid December. I'm going to miss him like my right arm has been cut off. He keeps me laughing with his sense of humor, he anticipates my needs and takes care of them before I can, he is loving, helpful, a great conversationalist and very appreciative of anything I do for him.

I'm trying to think back on the moment when I totally and completely lost my heart to him.

Could it be seeing him for the first time after 8 years of trying to have a 2nd child, being told it wouldn't happen and then the rabbit died(pregnancy test came up positive) during my first month of nursing school? Michael and I did LPN school together. My teachers passed him around in the teachers lounge while I took semester finals 3 days after he was born.

Or was it when I went racing into the ER with him when he was 17 months old in a febrile seizure and 8 mos. pregnant with his sister and they asked me who the patient was? I thought Michael was going to die that night.

I think the defining moment for me was in 1994. We had been in Richmond for a month, Roger was still in Buffalo and we were in a terrible car accident when I picked my then 9 year old son and 7 year old daughter up from school. We were the meat in a van and Cadillac sandwich at a stoplight next to the school. Michael was uninjured and a friend from work sat with him at the ER. Kiereney was bumped and bruised and I had a whiplash and all kinds of back injuries. We got to the house, got Kiereney Jo in bed and I was sitting in the recliner crying, trying to think how I would make it with 2 little ones by myself with no car, not being able to work, etc. and Michael appeared next to me with a glass of water. He said, "Mom, drink this. It will make you feel better." and his little face looked so earnest and loving and trusting and he knew that that glass of water would make the difference for his mom. Roger flew in the next day but Michael told Roger that HE(Michael) was in charge and would take care of Mom! We finally talked him into letting Roger "help". But Michael remained my biggest cheerleader and the glasses of water he kept me supplied in were endless(and I hated water).

I admire his tenacity of swimming upstream when he was diagnosed with a visual perception learning disability and has not let any of the "professionals" deter him from his course of being the best Michael he can be. He defied their odds of him not being able to make it through high school, college, working, driving and qualifying with the M16. He is an outstanding runner and friend to all.

So yeah, you're not supposed to have favorites and I totally love my daughters with their unique qualities of their own, but it's a different relationship with my son. The girls call him my favorite child and maybe he is. We just have a history together that is not the same one I share with my daughters.

Plus I know I'm dreading 10 May when he is commissioned as a 2nd Lieutenant in the Army and Uncle Sam has him by the throat. Hallie is spot on when she talks about the wonderful support she receives in BloggererLand. Y'all are the best!

Probably not my most stunning blog I've written but that's what happens when you let your heart rule the keyboard.

Have a wonderful Saturday and take time out to appreciate the little things---the smile of a child, the way the wind moves the branches, a shared look across the room from that wonderful friend or your soulmate. Life is good but especially moreso when shared with others.


Wonderful World of Weiners said...

I think this may be your BEST BLOG YET. :-)

Michael sounds like a very special young man...with a pretty fantastic mom!

Btw, I hate water too!


Debra w said...

Such a beautiful tribute to your son. I don't have any boys, but I understand the connection.

I hope that your pain levels are manageable and that you are having a restful day.