25 February 2008

What Becomes of the Brokenhearted?

They pray, they throw themselves on the mercy of God and they cry without ceasing.

These two little guys arrived about 1 p.m. Saturday, happy-go-lucky, full of hugs, and life was good. Until my best friend walked in with tears in her eyes and drug me into the bedroom alone. Seems like these boys' mother is in jail, arrested for possession of a good bit of marijuana, paraphanalia and something called Zanny Bars(Xanax that is snorted). These are felony offenses and her bond was set at $20,000. She made her bed, she lies in it. That's not the problem.

In Illinois unless a specific custody agreement is set up, either parent can have the kids. When their father finds out(and in So. Illinois word has a way of getting around)he will come and take the kids. To call him a total and complete unfit father is giving him too much credit. He denied Cade at birth when he saw him, saying that he couldn't be my child. The last time he had them, both boys came back with night terrors. They always come back filthy and sick. They have lived with Kathy for 2 years now. I don't know if DCF will take that into consideration. So it is very possible that yesterday was the last time I will see my boys.

I was like a nonstop Energizer bunny after Kathy told me this and I dried my tears. The boys and I played, we watched Thomas the Train, we read, we went out to eat, we did the Cha Cha Slide. When they weren't asleep they were with me. I went out yesterday and bought supplies for them because now that their mother has screwed up so badly, the boys will probably lose WIC and their Medicaid. I paid their daycare so they don't get booted out because their mother whizzed through her $3000 tax refund like water through a sieve. And now we know where. Today is her arraignment. She can't make bond because a) we think she should sit there and dry out/realize what she's done and b)no one really has the money to do so. Now she has brought danger to both herself, my BFF and the boys for drug dealers do not take kindly to squealers(if she rats out the group she runs with).

This is not my world. I know jack about drugs, charges, whatever and had to do a lot of research to figure out what is going on. For her "only phone call" she called her drug friend and said not to tell her aunt(Kathy). Hello? Kathy has her boys.

So I put them in their jammies last night, read them a story, carried them down and put them in their car seats, tucked their blankies around them, turned on Thomas the Train on their DVD player in the car, hugged and kissed them and as they drove off, collapsed into my husband's arms.

If anyone knows anything about the workings of DCF in general or in Illinois or how to get custody to keep 2 little angels away from a violent, unfit father in the legal system, I would appreciate anything you have to offer.

I'm sorry this is jumbled up but my heart is writing it and the tears just keep falling.

In the pictures above, Uncle Roger had made homemade waffles and Cade snuck up on the chair, snatched one off the plate on the table and is eating it. Uncle Roger took the pics and then got one of Carter and then of both boys. I just keep looking at the pics and begging a God who loves us all to please keep these boys safe.


Roxie, Sammy and Andy said...

My heart is breaking for you, Kathy and the boys. I hope you find a solution to keep the boys safe.

Mary, the dachsies' mom

Catty Ax Lady said...

Ness, I don't have any advice for you, but I will pray my little heart out for Kathy, those precious boys, you, and Illinois DCF that they do what's right for these boys. Please do not hesitate to call if you need anything. I have work all this week, but will do what I can.

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Light the candle my mom sent you Ness...know seems as good a time as any to get the baby up and running. We will get you another one for when CJ deploys.

Know that EVERYONE will pray non-stop for those boys to stay with Kathy.

Keep us posted.

Hallie :)

Scarlett Wanna Be said...

I don't know much about drugs either, but I DO know something about prayer...there is nothing more powerful! I will pray, pray, pray for those boys, their safety, their health, and their peace. I'm so sorry Ness, I know it is hard when children are involved. Just remember, no one cares about the boys more than God.

Steph said...


My heart is breaking for you. I know that we went through this with my step-brother and his ex-wife who was an un-fit mother. Make sure that you report everything. If you have document proof from visitation, doctor records from when they were sick after seeing their father keep them and give a copy to DCF. Also make sure that your friends go to court and at least get visitation rights and that they boys know how to call them and notify the daycare to keep their eyes open because by law they have to report everything and they can be a huge help if they know to look for something.

Hope this helps.

Steph said...

Sorry, forgot to say that I'm also praying for you, the boys and the entire situation.


Ness said...

Thanks so much everyone for your support. I have been calling Kathy on an hourly basis supporting her as she tries to work as a unit secretary for 3 surgeons in a clinic and I type medical transcription, pray and am bolstered by all of your support. Steph, fortunately Kathy works for the clinic where the boys go, she is in good with the boys daycare staff who knows Kathy has been taking care of them, bringing them to and from daycare, etc. while their mother has been dodging daycare and the bills. Unfortunately, this so-called father lives about 2 hours northeast of Kathy and keeping track of the boys will be difficult. Kathy's brother(the boys' grandfather) is a well respected Methodist preacher in Illinois and he is going to help all he can to make sure the boys stay with Kathy as his health will not permit him to raise them. God is good all the time. We have to keep the faith and you all are making that so much easier. Thank you isn't adequate but it's all I have at the moment for your love and prayers and caring. I will keep the blog updated.

Ok, Where Was I? said...

I think I've only been here once before, but I simply could not not comment. I'm so sorry for both you and the boys. They're adorable, and I'm in tears now thinking of them getting poor treatment. I wish I had some advice about Il's laws, but I don't know. Sending you and those boys good thoughts, Sarah.

Pioneering in PA said...

Sending everyone the best of wishes! I really believe that we should need a license to be parents. Some people are so selfish that they don't stop to think about the life that they started when they have children.

I hope that all goes well, and that Kathy can find a way to keep those precious little guys with her.

Steph said...


I have been following Jake and his family for most of thier journey. I meet Jake and his family though Stanton & Emma Grace's sites, who I meet though Christal Reynolds. Chris, Christal's Mom, is part of the same singing organization that my Mom was a part of and I got to meet Chris there. It really is a small world. I would love to meet the Rayborns in person and might try to work that out the next time I go to New Orleans to visit family. I hoping to be able to drive through that area on my way to or from NOLA.


Debra w said...

Oh Nessie,

This breaks my heart more than I can say. I can only imagine what you must be feeling. I will add these little angels to my deepest of prayers, in hopes that there will be a safe solution.

Thank you for your love and support. Your kind words have made my days just a little bit more tolerable.

Chin up, my dear friend, chin up.

Hugs and love,

katie said...

ohhh, Ness. Now i am bawling! what a big heart you have, my dear. The love you give those boys is just heart warming. sending you lots of hugs. :)

dlyn said...

Oh my gosh Ness - how heartbreaking. I will keep them in my prayers that they have a better outcome than seem slikely at this point. So sorry you have to go through the uncertainty of waiting to see what will happen with them.