Followers

23 July 2008

Wordful Wednesday


Sometimes you've just gotta laugh and these made me laugh. Enjoy!
30 Unique Descriptions of Losers
Useful descriptions of people you deal with every day...
1. The cheese slid off of his cracker.
2. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
3. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.
4. A room temperature IQ.
5. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
6. A gross ignoramus---144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
7. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is on.
8. Bright as Alaska in December.
9. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
10. Donated his body to science---before he was done using it.
11. During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
12. Fell out of the family tree.
13. Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train isn't coming.
14. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
15. He is so dense, light bends around him.
16. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
17. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
18. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back.
19. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
20. It's hard to believe that he beat out 100,000 other sperm.
21. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge-he just gargled.
22. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
23. Was left on the Tilt-a-Whirl a bit too long as a child.
24. Wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.
25. An experiment in Artifical Stupidity.
26. A few beers short of a six-pack.
27. Dumber that a box of hair.
28. A few peas short of a casserole.
29. Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one bowl.
30. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
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20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your trash can on your desk and label it "In",
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over the caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Finish all your sentence with "In Accordance With the Prophecy."
7. In the memo field of all your checks write "For Sexual Favors".
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by "Your Grace".
17. When the money comes out of the ATM scream, "I won, I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20. Send this to someone to make them smile. It's called therapy.

8 comments:

katie said...

haha! oh thank you for the laugh, dear sweet Ness! this was too funny!

Hope you have a wonderful wednesday!

jojo said...

Always love wordul Wednesday. Especially the hair dryer in the car...I may try that just for fun later;)

Thanks for the kiddo tips. I think we'll head up to Michaels and get some "crafty" things to do. We're thinking of putt-putt golf and build-a-bear also. And as it turns out she will be here for almost two weeks so we gotta get our game on ;)

Laura ~Peach~ said...

giggles.... thank you Love n hugs Laura

wyldflowr1019 said...

Is it sad that I would totally do most of these things?

Samantha said...

"That's a great post. Here's a website on developing
photographic memory. Check out the tips that they offer. They worked pretty well for me. It's at http://www.photographic-memory.org"

Steph said...

Ness,

I love these laughs. I needed them today. Stop by and read about the internet nightmare.

Steph

kimmy said...

Thanks for the chuckle Ness. I love your Wordful Wednesday posts!

Kimmy

kimmy said...

Hi again. I just saw your comment over at WWoW.

Oh Ness. I should fill you in.

Hallie starts shopping for Christmas presents on December
26th and has them all wrapped and under the tree by Thanksgiving. She starts playing Christmas music around that time too. I bet, if you ask her, she already knows how many days are left till Christmas arrives.

It is her favorite holiday!