Sometimes you've just gotta laugh and these made me laugh. Enjoy!
30 Unique Descriptions of Losers
Useful descriptions of people you deal with every day...
1. The cheese slid off of his cracker.
2. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
3. Got into the gene pool when the lifeguard wasn't watching.
4. A room temperature IQ.
5. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.
6. A gross ignoramus---144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
7. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is on.
8. Bright as Alaska in December.
9. One-celled organisms outscore him in IQ tests.
10. Donated his body to science---before he was done using it.
11. During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.
12. Fell out of the family tree.
13. Gates are down, the lights are flashing but the train isn't coming.
14. Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it.
15. He is so dense, light bends around him.
16. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
17. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
18. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change back.
19. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.
20. It's hard to believe that he beat out 100,000 other sperm.
21. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge-he just gargled.
22. Takes him an hour and a half to watch 60 Minutes.
23. Was left on the Tilt-a-Whirl a bit too long as a child.
24. Wheel is turning but the hamster is dead.
25. An experiment in Artifical Stupidity.
26. A few beers short of a six-pack.
27. Dumber that a box of hair.
28. A few peas short of a casserole.
29. Doesn't have all his corn flakes in one bowl.
30. One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level of Insanity.
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your trash can on your desk and label it "In",
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over the caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. Finish all your sentence with "In Accordance With the Prophecy."
7. In the memo field of all your checks write "For Sexual Favors".
8. Don't use any punctuation
9. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
14. Put mosquito netting around your work area and play tropical sounds all day.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by "Your Grace".
17. When the money comes out of the ATM scream, "I won, I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
19. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20. Send this to someone to make them smile. It's called therapy.