17 November 2008

Fighting Through the Fog

This weekend was a fight from start to finish, mainly with my health, more particularly the mental and emotional aspects. The OCD was like a wild thing from Friday morning through Sunday evening. I. could. not. get. away. from. it. As much as I hate to, I think a medicine change is going to be on the horizon because I just can't live like this. The voices...oh, the voices...or make that the thoughts...oh, the thoughts. In OCD land when you attempt to make a decision it's like getting a bill passed through Congress with all the red tape along the way. I have sewed together and taken apart the first two rows of the quilt twice now. I decide a course of action, sew it and then the thoughts barge in, "That doesn't look perfectly even." "Hey, did you check to see that it's going to line up perfectly with the next row?" and on and on and on. I finally left the quilt Saturday afternoon and went out to play in the world of Wal Mart and Michael's...looking, scrutinizing, deciding that there is no way Christmas can happen this year(of course, with the help of the OCD Chorus in my head..."You can't buy that, you could get some beans to eat with that $3!" ) and finally I got to the front of the OCD Chorus and said, "I AM going to buy my Christmas cards because I need some Christmas tradition to go on. My mom always did the cards, I have fond memories of helping her and I will miss my bean meal to be able to do so. I will use my 40% coupon at Michael's to buy the stickers for the back of my cards like I always do and I will use $1.49 less electricity to make up for it. Now back off!"

But the OCD Chorus is a hearty lot and they hung with me all day Sunday as well as soon as I started working on the quilt.

Please keep Michael in your thoughts and prayers this week. He has a land nav course that he has to pass to graduate. That in itself wouldn't be a problem except that the course has never been done before and they're using this group of officers to be their guinea pigs. Michael doesn't let anything get him down but he told me last night that the morale of the platoon is really low because the objectives of the course have not been laid out, they don't know how many points they need to pass, the time length or anything. So they're basically in the dark about the whole thing. He left for the field after PT this morning and will be out until Friday so he will call when it's over.

I have to go this afternoon and get blood drawn for the yearly cancer tests and see my oncologist next Tuesday. Kiereney has her neuro apt. Wednesday at 12:45.

Off to work. Hope everyone has a wonderful Monday.

Kimberly D, thanks for the chat Sunday evening. You made my day.


Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Can't imagine how frustrating that must be. Don't imagine it's very fun either. And perhaps exhausting.

Wish I could wave a magic wand and make your OCD thoughts vanish.


Laura ~Peach~ said...

hugs and prayers you have been tagged... Love you heaps.

Alice said...

Hang in there, Ness. I know it's overwhelming...I can't imagine all that you are going through. Just know that we all love you and are here any time you need us. Many prayers for all of you this week.

Debbie said...

I am sorry your OCD is giving you a fit, Ness. Sounds like a med change is in order.
Oh and I understand the 3 bucks for this , that could buy beans, I do that all the time. We are so poor, we can't even pay attention, David's quote. And we eat a lot of beans, rice, etc.
I love you and your family, and pray all goes well, with your blood work and doc appointments this week. You are in my daily prayers, as is your sweet family.
Keep in touch and know we love ya.

God Bless~

Tonjia said...

it does sound like a med change is in order Ness. you have had a lot on your plate and one person can only handle so much.


kim-d said...

Kimberly D here, checking in to tell you that the pleasure was all mine on Sunday night. You made me laugh so much, Ness, and it was just exactly what I needed. You, my friend, are priceless and I am so glad whenever I get to talk to you.

I think there are several of us out here who are due for med changes...but let's just wait to make sure that the FULL MOON has passed before we do anything dratic. It could have just been that darn moon. At least we weren't outside howling at it. Well, not that I recall, anyway! BWAHAHAHA!

Take care, dear friend...