23 April 2010

Christopher John Twomey How Do I Do This?

Writing has always come easy to me.

I was the kid who could sit down the night before a paper was due and easily write an A paper.

But I have been working on this blog entry for a week now and am no closer to nailing it this morning than I was on April 14.

How do I write something that captures the essence of the CJ I have come to know and love?

Let's start with your name.

I'm big on names and took naming my children seriously.  I had 3 conditions that had to be met for each of my children's names:

They had to look good when written out.
They had to sound good at graduations.
They had to yell good.

Christopher John.

Now, that is a name that meets all my criteria.

But what you managed to pull off that none of my other kids could is that you went by the simple nickname of CJ.

I abhor nicknames.  Michael never became a Mike. 

Always a Michael(although his sibs got away with a few nicknames).

But CJ fits you like a glove.

You are my CJ.

And your smile...

I always thought that if the electric companies across America could somehow utilize the wattage of your smile, electricity would be free to all. 

That smile is engraved on my heart and in my mind forever.

You would have thought my cancer diagnosis would have taught me that there is no tomorrow, but only THIS MOMENT.

I comforted myself with the fact that although I had to miss your deployment party that I would be there with bells on at your Welcome Back CJ Party when you had shaken the Afghanistan dirt off your boots. 

I would get my long awaited, much anticipated hug.

But it didn't work out that way.

But it will someday.

When I get to Heaven I will look around until I see a beaming light that outshines the sun and will know where to head for my CJ hug.

And I know you are looking down from the stars at night watching out for us.

I love you as much this morning as when I first came into contact with you.

You had me from that beautiful CJ smile.

You brought out the best in me, CJ, and I will always be grateful.

They say love can build a bridge.

All of your family and friends have built a massive bridge system the last 9 days to each other, giving out hugs, love, prayers, comfort and the best from our hearts.

But that would not have been possible had we not learned from the master bridge builder, which is you.

You united us all with your humor, your smile and your love for people. 

That is your legacy, Christopher John.

I can't be with you and yours this weekend in person and it cuts like a knife.

But you, you took care of it like you always do.

You're sending Michael back to me today 2 days earlier than expected from deployment training.  We will watch the movie Top Gun and I will make fun of Tom Cruise that you smile brighter and better than he ever could. 

I will be there in spirit and holding hands with all who are honoring you this weekend.

And I will be keeping the candles burning.

Godspeed, my second son.

May you find your peace.

And thank you for being in my life.


Alice said...

Tears, tears, tears...dear friend. I, too, have been struggling all week with finding words that are fitting. You did CJ proud Ness. You did us all proud. I am so glad you are my friend. Thank you for being there for me this whole week. Love you, dearly.

Mary said...

Beautiful words.

joanne said...

beautiful tribute dear Ness.

kim-d said...

Ness. You somehow managed to find words that I cannot imagine could be more perfect. The feeling in my heart tells me you nailed it.

Thank you for helping me keep some semblance of sanity this week; thank you for letting me cry and cry over not being able to get to Maine right now; thank you for your words; and thank you for giving me some laughs.

Friends forever; love you.

Debra W said...

Nessie, your words...they are so incredibly beautiful. Now you have me crying, once again. I just cannot believe this. I cannot believe this. My mind does not want to accept it. My heart cannot accept it. I am broken for the entire Twomey family. Just broken.

But your words said what I have been wanting to say. And you even got me to chuckle a little.(names that you can yell...) I love you, dear one. And I am so glad that Michael will be able to share an extra two days with you. That is a gift from CJ. I sometimes wonder how my brother is able to do the things that he does so that I know, we know, that he is always around. But who am I to question? There are things that we do not know. Things that we cannot understand. Not now, anyway.

Stay strong my sister. YOU are an angel.

Love and hugs,

WinnyNinny PooPoo said...

So many young ones gone now, so sad. What a beautiful tribute Ness. Makes me wish I could have had the privelege to know this young gentleman.

Debbie Jean said...

Beautiful tribute Ness. Thanks for speaking the words, so many of us are thinking but can't put down in words like you did. I dedicated my blog to CJ,but couldn't find the words like you did. Thanks Ness, it's been a hard week for us all and has brought back so many memories of my sister. It's so hard to deal with, and I pray your comforting words helped them. I too am glad that you are my friend. Again thanks ness. ILY.

God Bless~
Debbie Jean

AirmanMom said...

How blessed you are to have these beautiful memories. Thank you so very much for sharing your heart.