19 March 2013

I Have Been A Very Neglectful Blogger Friend

and for that I sincerely apologize from the bottom of my broken heart.
My BFF of 41 years, Kathy, died on February 20, 3 hours after we told each other we loved each other on our nightly phone call while she was on her way home from work.
She was 57, a year younger than me.
She was a sister to me in every way that counts.  Neither of us had a blood sister so we adopted each other.
She was the godmother of my 3 children.
She was raising her 6 and 7 year old nephews, Cade and Carter, who I have talked about on my blog.
Kathy's parents and brother had a history of heart disease. Her dad fell over the wheel while driving a semi in Arizona when he was 56.  Her mother had heart disease.  Her brother has had many surgeries.
She worked for a medical clinic for YEARS.
I had been after her for TWO YEARS to have herself checked out just to make sure sh didn't have the same heart condition.
She told me that they would want to put her in the hospital and she couldn't be away from Cade and Carter.
After 2 years, I was afraid of losing her as my sistah-friend so I gave up talking to her about it.
She was a devout Christian and truly believed when it was her time, it was her time.
She had been sick with a virus for almost a week and I finally threatened her to take her break time and see her doctor at the facility she worked.
She did and they gave her a breathing treatment in the office, sent her home on meds and Albuterol inhaler and told her not to come back to work until Monday(this was o a Wednesday). 
She called me on her way home from work to tell me.  We talked about Carter's upcoming birthday in March, a lot of other stuff and when I told her I was going to let her go so she could get into her boys(her husband, Cade and Carter) I felt led to say, You know, I love you.  She said I love you, too.  Usually we ended our calls with a Love Ya but that night I said I loved her.
Those were the last words I ever heard.
She died 3 hours later at home.  She took an Albuterol treatment, started coughing, couldn't breath, vomited, lost control of her body systems, threw her hands up in the air, arched back against the love seat and was gone.
An ambulance was called which took them 20 minutes and she was pronounced in the ER.
The miracle of it was that both boys were asleep, one in the bedroom behind the living room with his door open and one on the couch across from her and neither woke up when the ambulance came and removed her from the living room.
I was asleep when her husband called about 10 and told me Kathy was sick and I needed to come there (2 hours south) now.  Ambien allows you to talk but you never remember doing so.  I said to him, "Now?  I was sleeping."  He said, "Well I'll call the ambulance and another friend." and hung up.  He called again and my kids fielded the phone and he told them they were on the way to the hospital.  He called about 1 a.m. and said she was gone.  My kids woke me up and handed me the phone.  I said, "Hello?" and he said, "Kathy is gone."  I said, "Where'd she go?"  "She DIED".
Michael and I left within 30 minutes to head down there getting in about 3 a.m.  We got the boys up for school 4 hours later, got them ready and they never asked why we were there or where Memaw was until Bobby took them to school and he said she was in the hospital.
That day was spent making phone calls to the funeral home, her life insurance companies, her job, etc.  It started snowing and the boys got out at 1 p.m.  We had asked the preacher to come over to the house about 4 as we were going to tell the boys that Memaw had died and wanted him there while we did so for we knew the boys would be hysterical.  The preacher came at 4, we told them and little Cade, the 6 year old just fell down in sobs.  He was Memaw's buddy.  We got across to them that Memaw was now an angel watching over them and when they started being ornery again I would say, "What would Memaw say if she saw you throwing a ball in the house?"  They giggled and said,  "She would be MAAAADDDDD!"  So I told them Memaw was watching and to quit throwing the ball in the house.  They were comfortable that Memaw was watching over them.
The funeral was Monday.  To make it easier on the boys, we had family visitation at 4, public visitation from 5-7 and the funeral at 7 so they would only have to go to the funeral home once.  She was cremated after the funeral.  They were OK at the funeral home.  They didn't want to go right up to the casket but remained about a foot away and then went back to being kids by playing with their cars.  They had been to 2 other funerals of Kathy's husband' s family so this wasn't a new experience for them.
So far, life is good for the boys.  Their mother and grandmother have moved in with Kathy's husband to help raise the boys.  All is well so far.
Michael will be deploying to Saud Arabia in May for a year.  He will be the aide de camp to the Brigadier General stationed at the Embassy in Saudi Arabia.
Kiereney will be having her 4th shunt surgery of the year on Good Friday.  She had a blockage of the abdominal portion of the shunt in January and that had to be changed.  She contracted a SuperBug and a month later they emergently took out the abdominal part of the shunt and externalized the head portion of the shunt to be able to monitor it for cultures of the SuperBug and was in ICU for almost 2 weeks.  They finally had to take out the head portion of the shunt and then another week in the hospital and 2 weeks of a PICC line at home with IV antibiotics(she had just gotten home when Kathy died 2 days later).  The SuperBug is gone but her spinal fluid pressure is high again so she cannot do away with the head shunt and thus here we go again.
Kelli's MS injections ceased when she lost her job due to them relocating and she is falling a lot more so trying to get the injections paid for by the drug company.  They have agreed to it but are slow getting the drugs to her.  Sigh. 
Roger and I got sick after the funeral with a URI virus and he is still having trouble breathing and is on oxygen 24/7.  His heart disease is battling his lung disease and we know he's on borrowed time and one of them will win soon.
I have missed you all.  Several are on Facebook and have kept up with my recent life saga there.
I wasn't ready until today to write about the loss of Kathy.
I still pick up the phone to call her every night and a couple of times on weekends.
We went down almost 2 weeks ago to celebrate Carter's birthday and it was the first time I had to walk in Kathy's house since the funeral.  It was like a space odyssee.  I faked it until the party was over but on the 2 hour drive home I realized that I can never go into that house again.  I have Kathy in my heart and in the memories and those will sustain me together with my FB and Blog friends.
I'm trying to keep on Believin' but I need you all to help if you could.
One last thing...never, never EVER leave anyone, be it on the phone or in person, without telling them I LOVE YOU.  You never know if you will get another chance.


joanne said...

I'm so very sorry Ness, I didn't know the full story but it seems that Kathy was well aware of the possibility and had an incredible Faith. She was Blessed to have you as a 'sister.' Take care my dear Nessa and always know that I love you.

Debbie said...

Ness, my Believe sister, I love you!

God Bless~
Always Believe!!!

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