MEMO TO THE CENTERS FOR DISEASE CONTROL AND PREVENTION

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN WHICH IS ALL OF YOU THAT WORK FOR THE CDC

The rumor mill is running warp speed that you have chosen ME as your human testing incubator.

I have a problem with this for a LOT of reasons:

1.  Within the last 14 DAYS you have innoculated me with not ONE but TWO different viruses best classified as URI and GI.  To your credit, not at the same time, but one right after the other.  BOR-ING

2.  I am receiving NO RENUMERATION(READ MONEY) to play human guinea pig.

3.  I have thyroid cancer, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, chronic sleep apnea, panic disorder, depression, spastic dysphonia, hypertension, polycystic ovarian disease and a plethora of other conditions---in other words, my quiver is full and I don't want or need anything happening to my body courtesy of the CDC.

4.  I am not a famous person...if you want a test case, choose Madonna, Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, Paris Hilton, Brittney Spears or a host of others whose claim to fame by their name will bring you more press.  I'm just a humble human and the human part is sometimes up for a jury ruling.

5.  My work is suffering(YOU try doing medical transcription while running down a flight of stairs to pay homage to the Porcelain Goddess)

6.  When I'm not working, I am getting decubitus ulcers on my hiney from having to clock so much recliner time.  I am as weak as a mother in law's love. 

So, in closing, I WILL NOT continue as your go-to girl for virus incubation services.  I haven't been outside of my duplex in TWO(count 'em) 2 weeks and have every hope of breaking out on Friday to see how the rest of the world is living.  I feel I serve my country by providing you with one fine 1st Lieutenant and his fellow soldiers, keeping them  and my President in my prayers and flying the flag.  The CDC is not on my service list this year nor next.

Or any time after that.

I hope you understand.